I didn’t know whether to write about this. I don’t want it to be taken the wrong way, but in my ‘Mum eyes’ it was a big deal and it still is really.
The First Sleepover
Now, the title of the blog post is ‘The First Sleepover’. This isn’t entirely true. Little Man has had sleepovers before but at my Mum and Dad’s house. Now because they are my parents, their house is like a second home, it’s two minutes up the road and now he’s done it a few times, it’s not such a big deal anymore. Obviously, it was the first time, but now he’s done it a several times, I can handle it a little better. I still feel weird when I come home without him and I still check my phone every five minutes to make sure I haven’t missed any calls or texts, but it’s got easier.
Last weekend, the Little Man had his first sleepover at somewhere he hadn’t stayed before and I have to be honest, I didn’t handle it very well.
The Mummy Struggle
The thing is, it was totally unplanned. Little Man and his Dad went out at 2 pm in the afternoon to get their haircuts done and I was expecting them back a couple of hours later. Well to cut a long story short, I didn’t see him again that day and I think that’s the bit that I found hard.
They went to see my husband’s family and at this point, I need to add that the Little Man totally adores his cousin. He worships the ground she walks on, so when a possible sleepover during the upcoming Half Term came into the conversation, he jumped in and asked if he could stay that night. There and then. His excitement at the prospect I am told was something else.
By this point, the time was getting on and it was almost 6 o’clock at night so there was no time for him to come home and see me and I hadn’t been very well so couldn’t really go out. And not only that but I didn’t want to make a fuss. When it was mentioned to him that maybe another night would be a better idea, his disappointment was palpable. The decision was made that he could stay. His first sleepover was imminent.
I found it very hard because this was a first for him. A huge first and it was a big one for me too, as his Mum. As the one who has never missed a hug and a kiss at bedtime. Or at the very least when I’ve dropped him off to stay with my Mum and Dad. I’ve always had the ‘goodnight’ or the ‘goodbye’ and the ‘see you in the morning’. But I didn’t get that this time, and I felt so empty that I’m struggling to describe it.
Not So Little Anymore
We had a quick Facetime but I have to be honest he really wasn’t interested. His excitement knew no bounds and whilst I know I should have been happy that he was happy (and I was, in a way), I couldn’t help but feel sad that tonight, he just didn’t need me. That was a tough blow to take.
For five years I’ve been his everything and despite knowing this time would come, when it happens, it doesn’t make it any easier to handle. Mumma’s little boy isn’t so little these days and he is growing so fast and so much in every way. I know I can’t slow it down and I need to embrace it and treasure it but it’s an emotional time. This much I have discovered.
I had no fears about where he was staying. I knew he was in safe hands. He was with family after all. My problem was that I wasn’t prepared and the introvert in me, needs a plan in place. The Mum in me needed that ‘goodbye’ and that ‘goodnight’. I didn’t want him not to go. I just needed those things for me. I still don’t know if this is me being selfish. I just know how I felt.
And of course, he had a wonderful time. He tried new foods (yay!), he slept well and he came home happy. I got my cuddle on his return and I have never been more pleased to have him home with me. He got extra cuddles at bedtime too that night.
Perhaps I’m in denial. Perhaps I haven’t come to terms with the fact that my Little Man is growing up and he’s not going to want or need me as much as he once did. I know this is something that I need to deal with and I will. Next time though, I will hopefully be more prepared, maybe then it won’t be so hard.
I may or may not have made a fuss over nothing. I’m not really sure now. All I know is how I felt at the time. But what I do know is that to care that much and be that bothered, doesn’t make me a bad Mum. Quite the contrary in fact. And that’s not a bad thing, surely?
How have you coped with unexpected situations relating to your children? Perhaps you’ve avoided the first sleepover for this very reason? Perhaps you think I’m being ridiculous? Let me know in the comments. I promise not to be offended!
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