For My Little Man As He Starts ‘Big School’

For My Little Man As He Starts 'Big School'

To my beautiful Little Man

We all know how I love to document the special stages of your life and no doubt in years to come, when you read back over all of these, you will probably cringe a little. But I’m not going to apologise. I need to remember all of these moments, and I hope it gives you an insight into just how much you are loved and treasured.

I’ve known for the last few months that I would write this particular post and I knew exactly what day I would write it. Yet this time, part of me doesn’t want to write it. Because, little one. Mummy’s finding this one really hard.

Tomorrow you start at ‘big school’ and tonight as I put you to bed, it will be the end of an era for you and I.

For the last four and half nearly five years, my life has been all about you. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. And of course, that will remain as it will do for many, many years to come. But things will be different now. I won’t see you as much as I do now. I won’t have to rush home from work anymore. I won’t get those precious afternoons with you as I have done for the last four years. You will be elsewhere doing ‘big boy’ things.

You have grown up so much and it frightens me to think about how fast the time has gone since I held you in my arms for the very first time as a newborn, wondering how on earth I was going to do the whole ‘Mum’ thing. It’s no secret that I was never the maternal type and I was petrified. Petrified I was going to break you in some way, or do everything wrong. And whilst it hasn’t been easy because being a parent isn’t, you have made it so easy for me to love you in a way that I never knew possible.

You have brought out the best in me. I found my calling when I found you.

For My Little Man As He Starts 'Big School'

The thing is Little Man. I know you are ready for school. More than ready. You are excited, whilst nervous. I can see that. And I know you are going to do brilliantly. But whilst I know all of this. I hate to say it, but, Mummy’s not ready.

I’m going to miss you so much. Even though I know I will be collecting you from the school gates every day to the same big cuddle I always get when I come home to you. I’m struggling with the fact that you are growing so fast and time is passing us by so quickly. Where did my baby go?

I won’t lie. I have been extremely emotional this week. I’m reluctantly getting your school things ready. Preparing your school uniform with a heavy heart. Sorting out lunch boxes whilst mentally searching for the pause button. And I know I can’t stop this and I really shouldn’t want to. Because it’s your time. But I can’t help it. No matter how hard I try. I just wish I could keep you at home with me for that little bit longer. Just you and me.

But you are growing up Little Man. You are clever, funny and intelligent and I know that you need this now. I have seen such a change in you over the last couple of weeks. You are such amazing company and your erratic behaviour has settled down and it seems somehow cruel that this happens now that I won’t be with you as much to enjoy that side of you.

I know we are only talking about a couple of extra hours a day, but to me, it feels like so much more. I know I am being silly and I tell myself this all the time. But equally, I know I need to feel these things. Because it’s these feelings that remind me that I am a good Mummy to you. Despite the doubts I frequently have. I know I am a good Mummy because I care THIS much.

I realise that I won’t feel like this forever. But at the moment I do. Just know sweetheart that I have never been more proud of you as I am today. My Little Man is starting big school and is at the start of his next adventure.

So the time has come to send you on your way with school bag and lunch box in hand to start on this next journey. I will be smiling with encouragement and waving you good bye with the promise of a huge hug when the bell rings. But inside I will feel a little empty for a short while.

Mummy loves you so much, Little Man. Don’t ever forget it. Now, go enjoy yourself. Have fun. Don’t think about missing me, just go and do the best you can at everything and Mummy will be right here waiting for you. Every day. For always.

See you at the school gates beautiful.

Mummy xxx

 

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78 Comment

  1. Reply
    For the love to
    5th September 2017 at 2:46 am

    This is just the sweetest letter…. I totally feel the same way mama…. I little princess is heading to school in the next couple of days for the first time and I can’t stop the feeling of loneliness.
    #FamilyFunLinky.

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      5th September 2017 at 7:12 pm

      Thank you. We all survived! If it makes you feel any better, I’m sure the build up is worse than the actual day! I was still rushing to the school gate though! 🙂

  2. Reply
    mummy2twindividuals
    5th September 2017 at 9:16 am

    This has me choked up. I’m about two years away from this moment and yet yet it still feels like life is rushing by in a blur. If you find that pause button, let me know. #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      5th September 2017 at 7:05 pm

      Ah bless you. It does go so fast! Thank you.

  3. Reply
    bellfrombow
    5th September 2017 at 9:19 am

    I’m a year away from this but nervous already… #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      5th September 2017 at 7:04 pm

      Just make the most of this last year. It goes so fast!

  4. Reply
    Topsy Turvy Tribe
    5th September 2017 at 10:16 am

    Aaaah bless, such am emotional post tippy cam feel the love in every word. My eldest goes to school this Sept too. It really is going to bbq much tougher on me than it is on him! I’m sure we will get used to it eventually 😂#triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      5th September 2017 at 7:03 pm

      I really hope so. It feels easier knowing day one is done and dusted. Thank you.

  5. Reply
    tammymum
    5th September 2017 at 1:02 pm

    Oh gosh it must be so so emotional. I don’t envy you lovey but it will be my time next year and I will no doubt be feeling all of this. It does feel like an end of era doesn’t it!? I hope he has a fabulous first day and settles in well – I hope you do too #triumphanttales x

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      5th September 2017 at 6:59 pm

      It well well thank you lovely. I am relieved the first day is over. I swear the build up is worse than the actual day!

  6. Reply
    kerry
    5th September 2017 at 1:58 pm

    Awww this post is beautiful!! Hope he enjoys his first day, my little man has been counting down the days until he starts year 2, he loves school.

    #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      5th September 2017 at 6:58 pm

      That must make life so much easier! Today went well thank you!

  7. Reply
    mummyhereandthere
    5th September 2017 at 4:17 pm

    Awwww beautiful, I hope the day goes good for both of you X #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      5th September 2017 at 6:56 pm

      Thank you. It went well. I’m relieved the first day is over!

  8. Reply
    Fridgesays
    5th September 2017 at 7:54 pm

    #triumphanttales okay, i was fine until..’ see you at the gates beautiful’ then i wept, i need to drink something more than a camomile tea lol! hope it went well lovely. what a day, I’m shattered

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      5th September 2017 at 8:24 pm

      Go grab yourself a gin!! It went better than I could have hoped. I have a happy boy and I’m, a relieved Mumma. I hope it went well for you too! Sending hugs xx

  9. Reply
    Jo - Pickle & Poppet
    5th September 2017 at 9:15 pm

    This is just beautiful and such a lovely photo of you both #TriumphantTales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 1:06 pm

      Thank you. It is a lovely shot, isn’t it? One of my favourites 🙂

  10. Reply
    pinkiebag
    5th September 2017 at 9:46 pm

    Gosh what an emotional post. I hope that the first day at school went well #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 1:06 pm

      It did thank you. Long may it continue! I’m still adapting! 🙂

  11. Reply
    Sarah
    5th September 2017 at 9:53 pm

    Aww lovely. This is making me emotional. No doubt I’ll feel the same next year. How did he get on? xxx

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 1:05 pm

      Thanks lovely, he did great! 🙂 X

  12. Reply
    aliduke79hotmailcom
    6th September 2017 at 10:02 am

    This is lovely. You do feel such a gap in your life when they start school. I am sure he will love school x
    #TriumphantTales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 1:04 pm

      Dare I say it, so far so good?! Thank you.x

  13. Reply
    talkingmums1
    6th September 2017 at 1:35 pm

    It’s such a big step Jaki. I vividly remember walking her to school on her first day feeling like it was the end of an era. She was going off into someone else’s care 5 days a week and I felt like she was being taken away from me! She was more than ready and loved it and now I’m ok with it, I look forward to the holidays though. How did it go? x
    #TriumphantTales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 9:46 pm

      It went well thank you. Each day will get a little easier, it’s just weird not getting to spend that much time with him. The weekends will be so precious now 🙂 X

  14. Reply
    Tips from Toni
    6th September 2017 at 2:27 pm

    I love the way you put your feelings into words, and know that someday your son will love having this to read.

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 9:45 pm

      Thank you, I do hope so. 🙂

  15. Reply
    jeremy@thirstydaddy
    6th September 2017 at 2:43 pm

    very sweet Jaki. I had a really hard time when mine started full day school last year. This year I was counting down the days! #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 9:44 pm

      Thank you! 🙂

  16. Reply
    Nicole
    6th September 2017 at 4:19 pm

    All the best to you both… here’s to a new era, as you put it.
    #TriumphantTales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 5:39 pm

      Thank you. That’s kind.

  17. Reply
    tammymum
    6th September 2017 at 5:05 pm

    Just popping back to say thanks for joining at #familyfun and I am glad the first day went well, I hope it stays that way xx

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 5:38 pm

      Thanks lovely. Me too! X

  18. Reply
    Helen Porter
    6th September 2017 at 8:49 pm

    what a lovely letter I feel the same about my boys and i miss them terribly while they are at school plus I have the added weekends that they spend at there dads I feel like I never get to spend quality time with them I think when they start school they really change but most of it is for the greater good #fortheloveofblog

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      6th September 2017 at 9:47 pm

      He is loving it so far, I just hope it stays that way. Such a big change. X

  19. Reply
    Kat
    7th September 2017 at 9:18 am

    Ah beautiful post, I hope he had a lovely first day at school! #TriumphantTales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      7th September 2017 at 10:07 pm

      He did thank you 🙂

  20. Reply
    collette dunn
    7th September 2017 at 10:45 am

    How lovely! Made me cry a little. All my children are at school now. My girls are in year two and it’s amazing how much they’ve grown in the last two years, especially when you see how small the new reception children are! #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      7th September 2017 at 10:07 pm

      He seems to have changed so much in the two weeks leading up to it, I just know he will grow so fast now! Thank you. X

  21. Reply
    Hayley @Mission: Mindfulness
    7th September 2017 at 3:47 pm

    Awwww what a beautifully written, heartfelt letter. I hope the first day went really well for you both. I remember dropping my eldest off a couple of years ago like it was yesterday! xx #ablogginggoodtime

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      7th September 2017 at 10:05 pm

      It went well thank you. So far so good – I knew he would be fine, it’s just me that’s been emotional. I just hope he keeps enjoying it! X

  22. Reply
    RainbowsR2Beautiful (@rainbowsaretoo)
    7th September 2017 at 4:13 pm

    Will be right there – Jane, our youngest, starts in a week. #coolmumclub

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      7th September 2017 at 10:03 pm

      Oh good luck to you! The build up is worse, I’m sure! X

  23. Reply
    Lucy At Home
    7th September 2017 at 4:37 pm

    This step is a big one – it really does feel like the end of an era. I still miss my big girl when she is in school, but it does get easier, especially as they start to tell you all about the fun they’re having. I hope he’s settling in well and that you are starting to adjust to the change #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      7th September 2017 at 10:03 pm

      I’m already enjoying hearing about his day! 🙂

  24. Reply
    Ray
    7th September 2017 at 6:47 pm

    Aw this is beautiful to read, mine has just started big school too and I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself when he’s starting to do full days next week! #SharingTheBlogLove

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      7th September 2017 at 10:03 pm

      It’s hard isn’t it? You take them for granted when they’re around all the time! Good luck!

  25. Reply
    mamagrace
    7th September 2017 at 7:01 pm

    I don’t eat him to go now! But I do, but I don’t. It’s so lovely to have so much love. What a journey you are describing for the both of you, captured so well. #TriumphantTales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      7th September 2017 at 10:02 pm

      Thank you. It’s been an emotional week, to say the least!

  26. Reply
    chickenruby
    7th September 2017 at 7:57 pm

    oh bless this is lovely, i really hope he is enjoying being in school #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      7th September 2017 at 10:01 pm

      So far, so good – thank you! 🙂

  27. Reply
    mummuddlingthrough
    7th September 2017 at 9:23 pm

    Ah, this brought back so many memories of how I felt last year. For what it’s worth, a year on I couldn’t be prouder of how far we’ve come, She’s reading, writing, growing fast…and yet the holidays come round so quick and often that they never really feel too far away. These growing minds need the space and time to develop, and whilst it’s bitter sweet, the best is yet to come xx
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      7th September 2017 at 10:00 pm

      Thank you lovely, that’s really reassuring! 🙂

  28. Reply
    Musings of a tired mummy...zzz...
    7th September 2017 at 10:44 pm

    Such a rollercoaster of emotions! Anya starts on Monday, she is more than ready for it as she is a September baby but I’m not ready for her to grow up! #triumphanttales

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      10th September 2017 at 8:04 pm

      I know exactly how you feel! I hope it goes well tomorrow. Good luck! X

  29. Reply
    Becky, Cuddle Fairy
    8th September 2017 at 11:28 am

    Aww what a heartfelt post! It’s so hard to see them head off to school but at the same time it’s a blessing to watch them grow up & develop! Thank you for sharing with us at #BloggerClubUK

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      10th September 2017 at 8:00 pm

      This is exactly it! He has a great first week, I’m hoping the second week goes just as well! X

  30. Reply
    dearmummyblog
    8th September 2017 at 2:57 pm

    What a sweet letter! I start school on Monday and my mummy is feeling emotional already! Popping over from #SharingtheBlogLove #DreamTeam #TwinklyTuesday

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      14th September 2017 at 7:15 pm

      Awwww! I hope you had a wonderful time! 🙂

  31. Reply
    randommusings29
    8th September 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Aww this is lovely. You must be so torn emotionally – sad that your baby is growing up, but proud of the person he is growing into
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
    Debbie

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      10th September 2017 at 7:59 pm

      Absolutely! He made me very proud last week. Fingers crossed for this week!

  32. Reply
    Imperfect Mum (@imperfectmumx)
    8th September 2017 at 4:34 pm

    This is so beautiful. I love how you said you have found your calling… such a great way to describe it! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      10th September 2017 at 7:59 pm

      Thank you. He made me very proud last week!

  33. Reply
    So Happy In Town (@SoHappyInTown)
    10th September 2017 at 9:23 pm

    This is a beautiful post. It’s such a change for both you and him and I’ve struggled when all three of mine started. End of an era but start of a new journey. #AnythingGoes

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      11th September 2017 at 4:18 pm

      Thank you! So far, so good! Fingers crossed it remains that way! 🙂

  34. Reply
    susielhawes
    11th September 2017 at 1:54 pm

    Aww man, the pregnancy hormones are getting me! Beautifully written.Hope he got on ok and you both adjust well. xx #FamilyFun

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      11th September 2017 at 4:17 pm

      Thank you. So far, so good! Although I’m not tempting fate! 🙂

  35. Reply
    Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons
    11th September 2017 at 8:37 pm

    What a beautiful letter! I hope he had a great start to the school year and it’s not been as difficult for you as you feared. I have to admit I’m dreading this time next year when my tiny little boy will start school. I’m sure it’s a mistake – he’s never going to be ready! (Or I suppose what I really mean is, I’ll never be ready!) Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      12th September 2017 at 7:07 pm

      Thank you lovely. If anything, I would say the build up is so much worse than the actual thing! Just make the most of this last year, it goes super fast! X

  36. Reply
    dearbearandbeany
    12th September 2017 at 10:24 am

    Beautiful! My eldest daughter started school last year and I felt like I was loosing part of her, which I did. I handed her over and I the same girl was never returned. It’s such a big milestone in their little life. Sending all the hugs! Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      12th September 2017 at 7:02 pm

      It’s huge isn’t it?! Thanks so much!

  37. Reply
    bridiebythesea
    12th September 2017 at 12:00 pm

    Oh lovely this is so beautiful! Hope it’s all been going well – sounds like you have such a beautiful bond <3 Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam x

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      12th September 2017 at 7:01 pm

      Thanks lovely, so far so good! Fingers crossed it stays that way! X

  38. Reply
    Kelly Edwards
    12th September 2017 at 7:24 pm

    Such an emotional time. Thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofblog

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      14th September 2017 at 6:25 pm

      Thank you! 🙂

  39. Reply
    Emma T
    15th September 2017 at 9:30 pm

    I think kids starting school is such a great milestone, and so exciting for them Hope it’s gone well for him #sharingthebloglove

    1. Reply
      Jaki
      17th September 2017 at 8:46 am

      So far, so good, thank you 🙂

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