Financial infidelity is a big deal. In fact, it is one of the leading causes of discontent amongst couples and one of the more common reasons married couples divorce. Hiding money from a partner is a very serious matter and raises all types of questions, not to mention that it causes a major breech of trust. There are many reasons why your partner could be hiding money from you, so it’s important to get to the root of the situation before making a judgment call.
What is Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity is when a partner is not being honest about their use of money. It often includes hiding money, overspending, borrowing money without consulting their partner, or purposely keeping money from your partner. When someone keeps money secrets from their partner, they are violating the trust of their relationship. It’s not a crime, but the reason behind the financial infidelity certainly could be. For instance if your partner is battling an addiction and spending a lot of money on their substance abuse, there is a deeper issue at hand that needs to be addressed. There are addiction treatment programs available that could turn around their behaviors and eliminate the money secrets.
Reasons for Financial Dishonesty
There are many reasons why someone would want to hide money from their partner. Surprisingly, not every reason is a terrible reason. For instance, if your partner is stashing money away for a gift, an emergency fund, or leaving a dangerous relationship are all perfectly reasonable reasons to not be forthcoming about finances. Here are some other reasons why people are financially dishonest.
- Hiding money could be a sign that your partner is having an affair. It usually costs money to cheat. Gifts, meeting accommodations, and dates all cost money.
- Social pressure could also be the cause of money secrets. Everyone wants to be seen as responsible and having it all, and being transparent about their not-so-perfect financial situation is scary. In this case, the dishonesty is usually not meant to hurt their partner, but to protect themself.
- Sometimes financial dishonesty is all about revenge. When things don’t go your partner’s way, they may be tempted to get selfish and try to save themselves, or try to get back at you for a perceived slight or injustice.
- Anxiety can also cause your partner to keep money secrets. If your financial situation isn’t the greatest, they may want to turn things around by borrowing money and hiding the debt. Perhaps they’re worried about the future and want to ensure that there will be a little cushion if the family runs out of money.
What to Do When You Find Out
When you uncover financial infidelity it may be hard to keep your wits about you, but staying cool is important so you can get to the why of the secrecy. Gather your proof and have an honest conversation about the problem. If you’re willing to work on the relationship, you may want to consider hiring a financial coach, counselor, or advisor to help you work out the money issues.
No one should feel left out of their financial life. You have a right to know about your partner’s finances. You shouldn’t have watch the mail, check credit card and bank statements, and monitor Internet browser history. If your partner is reckless with the family finances, it is a serious situation, and it has to be rectified in one way or another.
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