When it comes to solidarity in times of the year, mums know how to pull together. Whether its overly sugar-laden children at Easter or toy-demanding tots at Christmas, mums come together to support and encourage each other with familiarity and relatability.
When it comes to the other mums in our communities that celebrate different things at different times, we should be no less courteous. From Sunday, May 5th to Tuesday, June 4th this year, for some mums, words like Ramadan and Zakat will be much more prominent in their vocabulary, as they fast, pray, and give to charity.
This is for all the mums out there with Muslim mums in their friend circles. Through reading this, hopefully, we can all understand each other a little better, and be better ready to support each other in all our special times of the year.
What is Ramadan?
Ramadan is a special holy month for Muslims, where they pay extra attention to their faith and their relationship with Allah. To help them do this, some of them will take part in events where they recite long passages from the Qu’ran, and the vast majority will not eat or drink between sunrise and sunset and will give money to charity. The charity is part of a special Muslim giving practice called Zakat. Exactly how much each Muslim needs to give is complicated, so much so that many Muslims use special websites that explain in detail how to work out Zakat.
After sunset and before sunrise, there are often elaborate feasts or big family dinners. The ones before sunrise are called Suhur, and the ones after sunset are Iftar. These have to give everyone as much of the sustenance they will need to get through the day, and to come together as a family and community, and celebrate their religion together.
Because the calendar Muslims use is based on the moon’s movement around the earth, not the earth around the sun, Ramadan tends to appear at different times throughout the year. At the end of Ramadan, Muslims have a very big festival called Eid al-Fitr, which is one of the two Eid celebrations.
Interesting fact: The word Ramadan comes from an Arabic word that means “scorching heat” or “dryness”.
How can I support Muslim Mums in Ramadan?
The first thing to remember is not to go overboard with anything you do during this period. Devout Muslim Mums going into Ramadan don’t need to be patronised or coddled about what we outside their religion might see as the “difficulties” or “struggles” that they are going through as they don’t eat or drink during this holy month. To Muslims, this is a special tradition, something they do gladly and willingly because they believe it’s important.
If you are religious, think of any of your own traditions that might look unusual or bizarre to the outside world, and just imagine how you’d feel if someone tried doting on you because of that. If you’re not religious, that doesn’t mean you’ve never had an obligation or duty or desire to do something that your friends might not have fully understood. Think of the kind of support you would have wanted in those moments, and apply it here.
Second, informed everyday kindness is always very valuable, and a great way to show that is in a greeting. The phrase “Ramadan Mubarak” is a common one that Muslims use to greet each other during this season as it means “Happy Ramadan”. Another common one is “Ramadan Kareem” which means “Noble Ramadan”. When it gets closer to Eid which is at the end of Ramadan, you might want to say “Eid Mubarak” also.
Third, be aware of the fact that your friend might be pushing through a fast, and that may make some things more of a struggle than usual. It is useful to know at this point that although fasting in daylight hours is an obligation, there are special exceptions. The following Muslims don’t have to fast:
- Elderly Muslims
- Pregnant Muslims
- Diabetic Muslims
- Chronically ill Muslims
- Muslims with children in need of breastfeeding
- Muslims who are menstruating
Like we said before, Ramadan fasting is a tradition, one that Muslims do gladly, but like many other religions that use fasting, the point of fasting is that it is difficult in some way. It is supposed to be a task to be faced with some degree of difficulty, as that can sharpen the mind and hopefully focus the soul. Commiserating and offering sympathy could very well be insensitive and patronising, but being aware, understanding, and supportive, that will more than likely be welcome. A good rule of thumb here is to always be trying to encourage a friend through their fast, rather than offering them sympathy that they have to do it in the first place.
Fourth, if you have the time and resources, maybe consider offering a gift of food for an Iftar or Suhur meal. Communities often come together all around the world to help each other provide in all kinds of times of difficulty or celebration. An offering of an extra dessert or some carefully chosen appetisers would probably be very much appreciated and welcome. You’ll need to do a little work to make sure they meet Islamic rules around food so they are “Halal” meaning they are good for Muslims to eat.
Sometimes intercultural relations are difficult and hard to handle. We need to balance the need to be sensitive and understanding with a desire to not patronise or infantilise. As with so many of these issues, the key is to be kind, thoughtful, and open. If in doubt, ask. You won’t cause an international incident, and your willingness to learn and have an open mind will almost certainly be appreciated. Go out there, and support your fellow mums!
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