When someone dies, all of a sudden everything can get very complicated, and not just emotionally either – practically too. You’ve got to make all kinds of decisions you may never have thought about before, you’ve got to make some very difficult phone calls, and you’ve got to make a lot of plans. And while you’re doing all that, you’re still expected to function.
That’s why some people choose to keep things simple, even though it can be hard for others to understand. But it’s important to remember that doing things simply doesn’t mean you didn’t love the person, it’s just the way that works for you. Keep reading to find out more.
Grief Doesn’t Have To Be Public
There’s an idea around that you’ve got to grief and show loss in a certain way, and that could include things like a big service and a formal gathering to say goodbye. And of course, for a lot of families, that does feel like the right thing to do.
But it’s wise to remember that the size of the event doesn’t necessarily show the size of your grief, which is personal and messy and different for everyone. So if you want a quiet service and some privacy so you’re able to focus on just getting through the day without any added complications, that’s what you should arrange.
Simple Choices Give You Breathing Room
After a death, there can be an overwhelming amount of expectation on the next of kin, and you might feel like you’ve got to organise something impressive or do things the way other people would even if it doesn’t quite feel right.
But loss already takes so much out of you that choosing something a bit more straightforward can take away some of your stress at a difficult time. Options like a simple cremation, for example, means a family has to deal with less organisation and they’ll be able to spend more time together processing what’s just happened.
Simplicity Still Has Meaning
It’s crucial to know that just because you want to keep things simple, that doesn’t mean the process isn’t going to mean just as much as a more elaborate send off. Some families just want to say their goodbyes in private, and they’ll hold a memorial later when they’ve had time to deal with their grief, at least in part.
And true, these things might not be the traditional way of doing things, but who says traditional has to be followed? You really don’t need an audience for something to matter.
Avoiding Pressure Isn’t Avoiding Grief
There’s a very big difference between avoiding grief (a bad idea) and avoiding pressure (a good idea). Grief is going to come no matter what you do, and you won’t really be able to predict it – it’ll just happen in the most random moments for seemingly no trigger you can see. And you can’t escape it just because you’ve chosen a simpler option because it’s not just going to be there during a funeral.
But what you can avoid – and what you should avoid – is extra stress, and if you’re only arranging something for appearances, or you’re forcing yourself to go through with something that doesn’t feel right, it’s only going to make you feel worse, and the overall result is going to be the same.
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