The last thing most people tell a woman after she’s just given birth is the one thing they should all be telling her: don’t neglect your self-care.
It seems like an obvious thing, but most women who have just brought life into the world will usually neglect themselves in favour of taking care of everything and everyone else, most especially the new baby, whose needs are paramount. That’s just a mother’s instinct, of course, but those who know and love the new mommies in their lives should be doing all they can to encourage those postpartum not to neglect themselves, whether that’s their mental or physical health.
Mothers who have just given birth are at high risks of developing postpartum depression, to have feelings of guilt and anxiety over their choices (no thanks to a society with lots of opinions but fewer solutions) and to be both physically and emotionally exhausted.
If this sounds like you, then there’s no better time to start practising self-care. You may think, “how on earth would I fit in time for me when I barely have time to sleep?”, and that’s valid. But there are small things you can be doing, just little things here and there, to not neglect your own wellbeing, and to reiterate to yourself and everyone else that you matter. After all, your mothering is only as happy and healthy as you are.
Below are a few areas in which you should be caring for yourself and easy ways to do so without taking up too much time or emotional energy.
Your Appearance
Nope, we’re not going to tout the wonders of putting on a full face of makeup when you’re just at home breastfeeding, or talk about how you can lose those leftover pregnancy pounds. All of that aesthetic stuff is totally up to you and how you feel about the way you look. While outside factors may make you feel pushed to “look good” after giving birth, the truth is, it doesn’t really matter. You’ll “bounce back”, whatever that means, when you’re good and ready, and you’ll do it on your own terms, however you feel most comfortable.
There are things about your body that may have changed due to pregnancy that you’re not thrilled with, however. And if it makes you feel more like yourself to treat a few of those things, so you feel like you’re looking after yourself, that’s great. Whether you’d like to begin a gentle treatment for stretch marks on abdomen, you’d like to take an afternoon for a shampoo and haircut, or even just take a few minutes to tweeze those brows, acts of self-care are about more than just your appearance. It’s about taking time to care for yourself and do what makes you feel good.
Your Support System
Many of us don’t like to ask for help, even in the most extreme of situations. New mothers are no exception. Sure, we hear those offers of home-cooked casseroles and mother-in-laws offering to babysit so we can get some sleep. But rarely do we take people upon them, because we don’t want to be a bother, or we don’t want to feel out of control, like we can’t handle things on our own.
That’s all wrong, ladies. Accept the offers. The people in your life love you and they wouldn’t offer if they didn’t genuinely want to help. Just think: you could be enjoying your best friend’s tortilla casserole right now, or taking a much-needed nap while the baby’s grandmother coos at them. Take the offers. They won’t always be there: cash in while you can.
Your Health
Us women are guilty of a full-speed-ahead approach, with blinders on, when it comes to parenting and other household/familial responsibilities. We’re known for putting ourselves on the back burner while others need us. And while that’s an admirable trait, sometimes it can do us real harm, especially when it comes to health issues that we’re ignoring.
Putting off going to the doctor is never a good idea, but it’s especially not a good idea when you’re a new Mom. Your body created and carried life for 9 months, and then you went through either a traumatic, painful delivery and/or traumatic, painful c-section surgery. You’ve been through it and your body has been through it. You may still have stitches or bruising. You may still be on pain medication. The fact is, it’s going to take a lot of time to recuperate, and women don’t give themselves nearly enough.
Calling your doctor at the sign of anything unusual or painful is just good sense. Whether you suspect you have a clogged milk duct, have popped a stitch, are experiencing gastrointestinal distress or bleeding or whatever other issues you might be experiencing: you’re not being a bother or being paranoid. Call your doctor.
Your Mental Health
Just as your physical well being is of the utmost importance, so too is your mental health. We’ve all read the books and seen the interviews and we’ve all heard of postpartum depression. Likely you’ve known someone who had it, or struggles with it now. And yet, still, women are reluctant to see a healthcare professional or talk to anyone about how they are feeling.
One of the biggest acts of self-care is to look out for your mental health. Whether that entails talking to your partner, parent or friend, speaking to a therapist or counsellor, or reading a book with helpful tips (we recommend all of the above), you should definitely speak up and help yourself at the first sign that something isn’t quite right. Postpartum depression can manifest as anxiety, sadness/depression, guilt, or even anger. You might experience worse symptoms, or it may just feel like you’re a little foggy. Everyone’s experiences are different. But you don’t have to go through it alone.
Nutrition
Nutrition as self-care? You bet. New mothers often neglect their diet, because they’re busy. We get that – it’s not like you have time to run into the kitchen between feedings to prepare a heart-healthy paella with freshly baked ciabatta. You’re lucky if you have time to nuke a bowl of ramen or throw a quick sandwich together. Sometimes you might eat nothing but Cheetos for lunch or snack on whatever stale cereal your toddler left on the coffee table. No judgement here.
But when you do have a little extra time, be sure to snack on things that are fresh, organic and full of nutrients that you (and your baby) need. Foods that are high in antioxidants, like spinach and blueberries (and yummy dark chocolate), vitamin C like oranges and carrots, calcium (broccoli and fresh dairy), and with those dinnertime meals, try to include lean proteins and healthy fats.
Just as when you were pregnant, feel free to enjoy treats in moderation. If you want a glass of wine, have one. If you want a little ice cream for dessert, treat yourself. After all, you just ejected a human from your body. You deserve some Ben & Jerry’s.
And again: take people up on those offers. If someone wants to bring you healthy and delicious food, take it.
Entertainment
Once you’ve settled into a routine with the baby, make the most of that quiet time when the baby is napping, or you’re laid up on the couch breastfeeding by watching all those streaming shows you never got around to before, reading a good book, doing fun research like genealogy, colouring in an adult colouring book, streaming your favourite music, playing a much-anticipated video game, or catching up on phone calls and texts with friends. Mindless scrolling on Twitter and Facebook is fine, but it can ramp up your anxiety and actually make you feel lonelier. Instead, use the time to engage your brain in a fun, calming and entertaining way. Watch all the movies you’ve never seen, read magazines. Now is the time to do all of that mindless entertainment you’ve always wanted to do. Loafing and lounging; that’s the ticket.
Bear to mind that not all tv watching is good for you. Too much anxiety-inducing news, or shows that make you feel anxious, scared or sad, aren’t the best choice right now. Look for feel good, funny stuff, or emotionally/educationally engaging material that will keep you fascinated, laughing and happy. The same goes for video games and books, too. Try not to overwhelm yourself too much. That isn’t to say you can’t stay engaged with the world, but just be mindful of the impact it has on your feelings. After having a baby, you may feel over-sensitive so there’s nothing at all wrong with avoiding triggers.
These are just a few ways in which you can practice self-care while tending to a new baby and healing from your labor and delivery. All of them are easy and fit into your schedule, and it doesn’t matter if you can’t do them every day. Just do one or two when you can. The most important part is to keep yourself and that new bundle of joy as healthy and thriving as possible.
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