When Your Baby Isn’t Your Baby Anymore

When Your Baby Isn’t Your Baby Anymore

I’ve thought and said countless times since I became a Mum, that nothing on earth prepares you for the emotions that come with it. There are highs and lows that we go through as parents that will make you feel like you’re on a crazy rollercoaster. One minute you’re head over heels and can’t get enough of your mini me and the next minute you’re counting down the seconds until bedtime after the day from absolute hell. All the while either feeling like you’re the world’s shittiest parent or just feeling so emotionally drained you don’t know if you’re coming or going.

Then they’re finally asleep and you stand over them. Watching them as they breathe their little sighs. Taking in their innocence and beauty as you feel a surge of pride that that little person in all yours. And then you feel guilty for ever wishing bedtime would come quicker.

As each night goes by, they look a little older. As the transition goes from Moses basket to cot and from cot to toddler bed until they’re finally in a single bed looking tiny again. We can take these stages for granted. These moments of the little person growing into the bigger person, until one day it will hit you. They’re not your little baby anymore.

This year is a big year for us. This morning I felt emotions I have never felt before. This morning I had to man up in front of my Little Man and put on my own brave face as I took him for his first full day at ‘big school’. Today was transition day and I have never felt so sick in my life.

I was full of nerves and apprehension for the Little Man and for myself as well. The school gate has never been something I have looked forward to. This is only natural for the introvert in me.

It wasn’t until I was getting Little Man ready this morning that I saw him in a totally different light. That little baby I brought into the world just over four and half years ago has blossomed into the most beautiful, handsome little boy who is nearing the next big adventure of his life and this was the beginning of it all.

This morning he looked different somehow. Like a real little person. That sounds silly reading it back but I know other parents will understand. I sat for some time this morning looking at him without him knowing and I could feel myself getting emotional at the thought that my baby wasn’t my baby anymore. He’s grown up so fast.

He is ready for this next step. Beyond ready. We haven’t had an easy time of it lately. His behaviour has been challenging to say the least and while I know that this is perfectly natural, it has made me doubt myself on many an occasion. He needs school. He needs the stimulation that learning and socialising will bring him. He is ready. So ready. I’m just not sure I am.

When Your Baby Isn't Your Baby Anymore

I’m not sure I’m ready to say goodbye to these earlier days. Life will never be the same again when school becomes a daily occurrence. He will flourish and grow so fast. Faster than he already has and while I know that this will be an amazing and wonderful thing to watch and witness, it will be with a tinge of sadness too. My baby won’t be my baby anymore.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be... Click To Tweet

I was worried today would be a struggle. I was worried there would be tears and there was. But not from him. From me.

Walking away from the school after a hug goodbye from an excited little boy, I managed to pull myself together until I got to my car and then the morning’s hidden emotions came flooding out. I felt better after. I told myself to stop being so daft and to pull myself together. He would be fine.

And he was. Of course, he was. He loved every minute. After what felt like the longest day in the history of the universe, I waited at the school gate to collect my little boy for the very first time and the pride I felt when I saw him walk out with his bag and coat along with a painting of a big smiley face was like NOTHING I have ever felt before. I was positively beaming. That was my little boy. I made him. He’s all mine. As if I didn’t feel proud enough at that moment, I was told by his teacher that his manners are adorable. Well, I nearly bloody hugged her then and there. Maybe I haven’t done too bad a job at this parenting game after all.

He might not be a baby anymore but he will always be my baby. I tell him this often. There is always a new milestone for children and this is our next one. He is so excited and after today, I am too. To see him so happy made me forget all about my selfish reasons for feeling sad. This is his time and I’m so excited for him. So proud. And I didn’t think it was possible but I think I love him, even more, today than I did yesterday.

My boy. My pride and joy. My one in a million. ForeverΒ myΒ baby.

 

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46 Comments

  1. 7th July 2017 / 6:29 pm

    What a Gorgeous post Jaki! He may not be a baby anymore but he will always be YOUR baby! My baby is 6 foot 3, size 12 feet and aged 15 but I still see the big blue eyes of my little baby looking back at me. Good luck in September! x
    PS Take tissues….for you!
    #PoCoLo

  2. 7th July 2017 / 7:06 pm

    Aww! Beautiful post! I feel exactly the same about mine, especially with the milestones like starting new classes. I think they’ll be grown adults and I’ll still be calling them “baby”! Visiting from #ThatFridayLinky

  3. 7th July 2017 / 7:14 pm

    They grow up way too fast don’t they. I still can’t believe my two will be in year 1 of school at the end of the year. It’s scary. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

  4. 7th July 2017 / 10:37 pm

    He will ALWAYS be your baby! I ask my son all the time, “where will you live when you’re all grown up?” He knows the right answer: “Here with you!” #thatfridaylinky

  5. 8th July 2017 / 11:48 am

    This is such a special time and a huge step and well done you for being able to get everything into perspective and handle it so brilliantly! #POCOLO

  6. 8th July 2017 / 5:20 pm

    Oh hun this is beautiful and I know exactly how you feel as this was me last year as Alfie started his transition to school. It’s amazing how quick they adjust, it took me a while to see him as a little boy rather than a toddler! He’ll always be my baby boy though πŸ™‚ Thanks for linking up to this weeks #bestandworst

  7. 8th July 2017 / 8:04 pm

    It is tough when they stop being a baby but it’s such a blessing to watch them flourish & develop. And yes he will always be your baby!! Thank you for sharing with us at #BloggerClubUK xx

  8. 9th July 2017 / 5:48 am

    I totally get this. It all goes by so quickly, its impossible to describe to those that haven’t been there

  9. 9th July 2017 / 8:04 pm

    Mine are two and one and I’m absolutely dreading school already! Time just goes too quickly! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx

  10. 9th July 2017 / 10:29 pm

    Lovely post! It’s so hard isn’t it. My daughter is 6 and growing up so fast. #Blogstravaganza

  11. 10th July 2017 / 10:45 am

    Love this post and I can so relate to how them growing up hits you all of a sudden, especially when they start school. I remember being at this point so vividly last year – not being ready to say goodbye to those early years and not being ready to let go. Now I’m getting emotional about my baby (and she’ll always be that!) starting year 1. I’m starting to accept that the end of the school year will just leave me emotional anyway. Good luck with the transition to big school – it is lovely to see how much they learn and grow πŸ™‚ #sharingthebloglove

  12. 10th July 2017 / 11:54 am

    I totally get this. We were sitting in a hall the other night being told that the Tubblet would start studying for her GSCEs when she starts back at school after the summer and I’m like … HOW?! Time goes so quickly. (I love that book btw. I’ve never managed to read it to the end without crying)

  13. 10th July 2017 / 1:14 pm

    Utterly beautiful πŸ™‚ My little one is quite a ways off from this but I’m certain I’ll be there before I know it! Thank you for sharing πŸ™‚

  14. 11th July 2017 / 8:37 am

    I can totally relate with this as my older son is starting reception in September it’s safe to say there will be tears involved given how hard I fought back the tears during his induction. The time flies too quickly and we just have to cherish those meaningful moments more. No matter what they will always be our baby. #triumphanttale

  15. 11th July 2017 / 9:59 am

    Jane has been in pre-school half days this term – we’ve been cramming in morning things like lunch at the palace and visits to the park or clubs. I’m going to miss her sooo much in Sept. #triumphanttales

  16. sriches
    11th July 2017 / 11:00 am

    They grow up far too much and it is heartbreaking. Right now we are going through the whole Mum as opposed to Mummy stage and I am a little deflated by it… I know I will get Mummy again when she wants something πŸ˜‰ Sim xx #TriumphantTales

  17. 11th July 2017 / 11:17 am

    Oh this has all the mummy feelings coming to a head. Bless him. I’d be very proud if someone else noticed their manners too. What a big leap forward and another step towards independence. Hope school is like that everyday for him. #TriumphantTales

  18. 11th July 2017 / 11:40 am

    Aw bless you Jaki. It is a big thing and a super exciting thing. My youngest started her transition week at secondary school yesterday. I was feeling a bit like you the day before, but once we got to the big day and the dog and I walked her up to the gate, I was really excited for her. Our babies are reaching new chapters in their lives, they will learn new things and make lots of new memories, but they will always be our babies #TriumphantTales xx

  19. 11th July 2017 / 12:45 pm

    Ah this was me last year and I found it really hard to prepare myself for Alice to go to school. She was so ready for it and she loved it. But that didn’t meant that I was ready. It’s true what they say you send in a little girl/boy and out walks a school girl/boy, the changes are big. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  20. 11th July 2017 / 1:56 pm

    No I know exactly what you mean when you say “real little person” haha. I totally feel like that too at times. I remember when I first took my little girl to nursery I burst into tears, so I am totally gonna be the same as you when they start school. Glad it all went ok πŸ™‚ xx

  21. 11th July 2017 / 4:34 pm

    This is a lovely post. Its such a massive step when they start school (for us and them!). Its great your son had such a fun time! #TriumphantTales

  22. 11th July 2017 / 6:28 pm

    Aww this is a lovely post and I’m sure all us mums go through feeling like this….in fact I’m certain we do! I remember mums crying because their little one wouldn’t let go of their legs and I stood and cried because he just kissed me and ran off….he never even looked back! I was so worried as he was born 3 hours before the cut off date so he is the youngest in his year, would he be ok? he was bloody amazing he loves school and he’s so clever, I’m super proud of the boy he’s growing up to be.

    #triumphanttales

  23. 11th July 2017 / 8:08 pm

    What a beautiful post, Jaki. I see them every day, growing, learning and I am filled with pride and emotion, and so afraid of losing them to independence, just as we are supposed too. It’s a conundrum and you captured this one beautifully! TY! #TriumphantTales xoxo

  24. 11th July 2017 / 8:21 pm

    What a beautiful post Jaki. Our children certainly grow up quickly. Starting school is a huge milestone. I find these things hard as a mum, the kids breeze though it and love it xx

  25. diynige
    11th July 2017 / 8:38 pm

    What can I say, a truly beautiful post, that brought a lump to my throat. My oldest is 22 but she will always be my baby as will all the other five, loved this post thanks for hosting triumphanttales

  26. 11th July 2017 / 9:07 pm

    I collected my baby from his last ever day at school on Thursday. My baby is 18 and towers over me at 6ft 4in, but he’s still my baby

  27. 11th July 2017 / 9:32 pm

    Gorgeous post! It totally made me re-live the moment when I dropped my daughter off at school for the first time. I thought each year would get easier, but I am just as emotional this time that she’s heading into Year 2 – how is time flying so fast? How can she be heading into her SATs year already?? As you say, they’re always our babies! #triumphanttales

  28. mommyhomemanager
    11th July 2017 / 10:06 pm

    Aww, mama, you are hitting me in the feels. :,-( My little man is only 9 months old, and is already too big. I can’t imagine the day when he is not my baby anymore. <3
    Thanks for sharing.

  29. 12th July 2017 / 3:02 am

    The tiny little twinnies (numbers 3 and 4) are going to preschool. Seriously HOW can that be? They still are such little wisps! I can not deal.

    #tritues

  30. 12th July 2017 / 8:03 am

    Awwww what a lovely post, I’m dreading his moment, I’m so glad he had a lovely time #triumphanttales

  31. aliduke79hotmailcom
    12th July 2017 / 1:56 pm

    I know exactly how you feel. My daughter started high school this year, she really is growing up. It only seems five minutes ago that she was first starting school. This is a lovely post.
    #TriumphantTales

  32. 12th July 2017 / 3:42 pm

    I know exactly how you feel. My little man started nursery at a Special Needs School so has done full days all this year to enable him to get the extra therapy he needs. I feel like I’ve lost a year but I know it was the best thing for him #TriumphantTales

  33. 12th July 2017 / 7:42 pm

    Ahh I loved this. I feel exactly the same way about Harry, and I know that this time next year I am going to be an absolute wreck when my last little one goes to school. Time flies hey? Big hugs Mama. Thank you for joining us at #sharingthebloglove

  34. 12th July 2017 / 9:01 pm

    #triumphanttales i have to say #preach . i have the same feelings and the same situation. today was his farewell at nursery…i found it hard. Im not ready to share him with strangers. I’m not ready to let him grow without me by his side and of course – he is beyond ready. We can cry through September together hun.

  35. 12th July 2017 / 10:41 pm

    Beautiful post Jaki – glad he enjoyed it and hope he continues to enjoy it,as that must make it easier somehow. Thanks for sharing with #PoCoLo

  36. 13th July 2017 / 8:54 pm

    Awww lovely post Jaki. My little girl just turned 3 and I am struggling with how fast the time has gone. She is my little girl now, not my baby 😭😭😭 She doesn’t start school until September next year but I’m already dreading it. X #TriumphantTales

  37. 14th July 2017 / 11:01 am

    I welled up with this one…so beautifully put. We’re in the same place with our middle son, he’s off to school soon too. I’ve just had a baby though, and this has added to my emotions around him growing up because overnight he went from seeming still so little to seeming huge compared to his newborn brother…not easy to deal with as a hormonal wreck!
    #blogstravaganza (very late!)

  38. randommusings29
    14th July 2017 / 11:50 am

    Such a lovely post that really captures the emotion of such a big milestone. I’m glad he enjoyed school
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes πŸ™‚
    Debbie

  39. 15th July 2017 / 10:53 am

    A truly beautiful post. You captured the depth of emotion most parents feel when they drop their child off for the first time. Wonderful.
    #TriumphantTales

  40. The Daisy Pages
    15th July 2017 / 3:24 pm

    What a lovely blog post. It’s such a massive transition isn’t it….I’m so glad it turned out well and he had a lovely day, they grow up so fast x
    #SharingTheBlogLove

  41. 15th July 2017 / 9:41 pm

    This is beautiful! They will always be our babies, no matter how old they are! #triumphanttales

  42. 16th July 2017 / 7:58 am

    I love this, I know exactly how you feel; although I went through it with my step-daughter! And now with my youngest at 1.5yrs, I look at him and wonder where the bloody hell that times gone, and they both look like “proper little people!” You do just wake up one day and see it don’t you? #sharingthebloglove

  43. Morgan Prince
    17th July 2017 / 4:47 pm

    Aw this is so beautiful Jaki. I remember that time well, now 4 years ago for me. My youngest, now 8, is going into Year 4 next year and he still makes me beam with pride. Thanks for linking to #pocolo

  44. susielhawes
    18th July 2017 / 2:40 pm

    Aww what a great post. Made me well up! I’m a bit emotional at the moment and can imagine I will be the same come transition day for us too. Your son sounds lovely and you have lots to be proud of xx #SharingtheBlogLove

  45. 18th July 2017 / 10:48 pm

    This is a lovely post. I know exactly how you feel too – Toby starts school in September, he was only four last week and I look at him and there’s nothing of the baby left. I know everything is going to change so much in the next couple of months, I just hope he loves school as much as I want him to. #SharingTheBlogLove

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