I’ve diagnosed myself with a new condition. T.A.D. Total Age Denial.
I was taking part in a blogger/Twitter chat the other evening and all of a sudden I felt really old. Most of the other participants were in their early to mid twenties and the topic was childhood memories. Put it this way, their childhood memories weren’t MY childhood memories. I was working at the time of their most treasured memories. Certainly not making childhood memories of my own. That was going on ten years prior to them when they were probably just starting primary school! It hit me like a slap in the face that I really am heading into my MID THIRTIES.
I’m desperately trying to work out how the hell this has happened. I honestly feel like I got to twenty six and time just kind of stopped because I don’t feel like I’m the age I am. Mentally. Physically or any other way.
Every now and again it will crop up in my mind. Maybe when I’m trying clothes on and a little voice inside my head says ‘Should someone your age wear that?!” It can be really disheartening. A song will come on the radio and I’ll be working out what year it was released and when I work it out to be twenty years ago I’ll think ‘well how can I remember that far back?!’ And then it hits me again… I was a teenager back then. That’s why!
It’s a strange mindset that I just can’t explain. Is it because I’m young at heart? Is it because I’m the youngest in my family? The youngest child and the youngest grandchild therefore in my head I should always be the young one. It’s still weird for me to this day when I can be out with a group of people and they’ll discuss age and it becomes apparent that I’m the oldest. That never happened when I was younger. I was always the youngest. School, friends, everything. All the time. It makes me kind of grateful to all of my work colleagues for being older than me. Thankfully I get to keep the title ‘baby of the group’ somewhere!
Will I always feel like this? I thought maybe when I had a child it might change but needless to say, it hasn’t. I still can’t get my head around that I have a three, soon to be four year old. Err, HOW?!
I went through some photos from my Facebook to include in this post and I don’t think I look toooo different from twenty six to thirty four. The picture quality is certainly better and at least I have better eyebrows now. Every cloud and all that…!
So I guess I’ll plod on in total denial. Total denial that I’m pushing towards forty. FORTY?! Argh even the word makes me shiver.
I’m sure there are some bloggers out there in this huge, awesome community who feel the same as me. Isn’t there? Please say there is! Drop me a comment. Let me know. Let’s be in denial together.
Thanks for reading.