When do you stop trying…?

This post has been sat in my ‘drafts’ folder for weeks. I have a tendancy of typing my ideas into a blank blog post title and saving them, a), so I don’t forget the idea and b), to give me the kick up the ass to go back and write it.

On this particular day I was obviously a bit pissed off. I can’t remember why, and that’s probably a good thing else this post may have ended up getting me in a whole heap of crap. But I do know why I asked myself the question.

When do you just stop trying?

Trying with people. Trying with people who don’t seem to care whether you bother or not. You know the kind I’m talking about. You haven’t seen them for ages so you drop them a quick text, see how they are, have a bit of chit chat, then mention a meet up or get together and yes! That sounds wonderful, so you say ‘let me know!’. Then you hear absolutely nothing. For days. Or weeks. How many times do you have to do this before you start to think “screw it!”

It’s draining. It’s disheartening. It’s a tad bloody depressing.

Don’t get me wrong. I know life gets busy. God, I know that. But if I can try, why can’t others? Because life isΒ busy, I find it even more important to make the effort. Before we know it, time can go by before you realise that you haven’t seen some friends for over a year. And then you realise that it’s not because youΒ haven’t tried, but because theyΒ haven’t tried. So when? When do you just stop trying?

A text is easy to send. Even if it’s late at night when the kids are in bed, or it’s the first time you’ve put your feet up, because that’s the first chance you’ve had. Your friends won’t care if it’s late, they’re probably up grabbing some ‘me time’ too. They’ll just care that you bothered. That you tried. But if you don’t want to then that’s fine too. Just don’t pretend. Tell the truth. If time has passed by and you no longer really want to meet up. If this old ship has sailed and the friendship flags have failed, just say. Because then we can all stop trying and we can concentrate on the ones who will try in return.

tryingquote

When do you just stop trying? Tell me. I’m interested.

 

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26 Comments

  1. 16th August 2016 / 4:34 pm

    So I had a friendship a bit like this up until a couple of years ago. It got to the point I got sick of trying to make plans and either being rejected or being cancelled on at the last minute so I did just stop trying because it felt so one-sided, although I would still try and make an effort with her online (as she seemed to care more about her online friends than her real life ones). Then I noticed her saying some stuff online that was clearly aimed at me, she unfollowed me on twitter, and then ultimately unfriended me on facebook the same day I got what was apparently a pocket dial missed call from her. She never acknowledged the end of the friendship, and this had been a nine year friendship where we had been very close. I acknowledged it myself once I noticed the facebook defriending but she didn’t even have the courtesy to respond to me, which said everything I needed to know about the friendship. It was possibly even more one-sided than I thought, and I just wish I had been the one to properly walk away and not give her the opportunity to do it first. Some friendships are worth saving, and some aren’t.

    Apologies, that turned into a bit of a monologue!

    Paula http://insertmyblognamehere.blogspot.com
    Paula recently posted…P’S “HEALTHIER” CARBONARA . . .My Profile

    • Jaki
      16th August 2016 / 10:06 pm

      Ah that’s really sad. It’s such a shame when this happens and when there’s never any real explanation it makes it even harder to accept. But yes, you are right. Some friendships aren’t worth saving. I think I can count my true friends on one hand. I guess it’s quality, not quantity. Thanks for taking the time to read and leave me your monologue! I enjoyed reading it πŸ™‚

  2. 16th August 2016 / 7:47 pm

    Yes I totally get this. I always respond via text at least to people – I hate being left hanging – I have a couple of friends and I can suggest a meet up – time, place, everything – and I hear nothing. All I need is a text to say ‘yep great’ or ‘fraid I’m busy’. I don’t need an essay – just a few blooming words so I can organise the rest of my busy life instead of hanging around waiting! #fartglitter

    • Jaki
      18th August 2016 / 12:01 am

      Exactly!! I don’t think we’re asking for the world! At least it’s not just me!! πŸ™‚ Thanks for reading lovely and leaving me a comment πŸ™‚

  3. 17th August 2016 / 12:01 am

    I might just be lucky, or maybe it is just that I only have a small circle of close friends anyway, but I have never been in this position.

    Focus on better friends. Put your energy into people who deserve it. #AnythingGoes
    Ordinary Hopes recently posted…Something horrible happened.My Profile

    • Jaki
      17th August 2016 / 3:02 pm

      Wow you are lucky. I hope you never have to deal with people like it as its not pleasant at all. Thanks a million for reading and commenting.

  4. 18th August 2016 / 10:19 pm

    I understand your frustration. All kind-hearted people do. Years ago someone told me that you stop trying with ppl when: 1) you’re no longer learning anything & 2) there is no possibility of them changing. Best advice ever. Hope it helps you, too.
    Ally Bean recently posted…Anything Could Happen August: Taking A Break From BloggingMy Profile

    • Jaki
      18th August 2016 / 11:24 pm

      That’s really good advice! I will certainly take it on board! Thank you for sharing it with me πŸ™‚

  5. 19th August 2016 / 6:19 am

    I think we have all been here. As i get older I realise that you surround yourself with those who value you as much as you value them and leave the rest alone. if someone drains you it is not a healthy friendship, whichever way they wear you down. You are not alone in your frustration! #fortheloveofBLOG

    • Jaki
      19th August 2016 / 7:32 am

      Totally agree with you here. Quality over quantity everytime! Thanks for stopping by πŸ™‚

  6. 19th August 2016 / 8:51 am

    I’ve definitely been here at numerous points in my life. I think as you get older and life gets busier, it becomes more difficult to tolerate this kind of behaviour so we stop making the effort. I know that the friends I have now are friends that I’m really close to, and whether we see each other once a week or once a year, that it’s a friendship that is really worth treasuring. Thanks so much for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
    Katy – Hot Pink Wellingtons recently posted…#SharingtheBlogLove #8My Profile

    • Jaki
      19th August 2016 / 11:59 am

      I agree. I can count my true friends on one hand. The real friends are the ones you can go months without seeing and nothing changes! Thank goodness for those. Thanks for hosting a lovely linky πŸ™‚

  7. 19th August 2016 / 8:26 pm

    I have to admit, I’ve been that person. Sometimes it’s pure and simple, just not cool of me, but other times, I have grown apart from that person, and slowly over time, distance, change in lifestyle we stopped making the effort with each other. I was chatting with a friend last night and we were discussing that if you really want to do something then you make time for it, regardless of whether your busy. Xx #bloggerclubuk
    Let your light shine Mummy recently posted…Camping ChecklistMy Profile

    • Jaki
      19th August 2016 / 11:00 pm

      Thanks for being honest. I totally agree with your last comment. It’s a good way to judge whether that person is worth making the effort for. Thanks for dtopping by πŸ™‚ xx

  8. 19th August 2016 / 9:12 pm

    I can so get this hun. I have one friend in particular who messaged me for coffee…I confirmed it and she never replied or even read the message. We have gone back to not hardly speaking again. She’s got no kids and we have just drifted apart. It happens and sometimes easier just to leave it and stop. The real friends always come back to you. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x
    Sarah Howe recently posted…Breech!My Profile

    • Jaki
      19th August 2016 / 11:02 pm

      They really do don’t they? I can count my ‘true’ friends on one hand. They’re consistent and never any different with me whether I see them three times a week. month or year. Thank you for your comment. It’s nice to know it’s not just me that it happens with!! πŸ™‚ x

  9. 19th August 2016 / 9:19 pm

    #twinklytuesday #bloggersclubuk
    I’m really harsh – I do my bit. I wait…if there is no response I walk away. Life has so many amazing relationships that you can live and learn from, why waste time on people who make you feel the need to ‘try’
    In other news I NEVER burn my bridges – time may be wrong for them and they may be right for me in the future x

    • Jaki
      19th August 2016 / 11:04 pm

      I really like your attitude and approach. I need to be more like you!! I will be taking these wise words on board from now on. Thanks for sharing! x

  10. 19th August 2016 / 11:16 pm

    I have always been a bit of a loner I suppose, and it’s not necessarily that I don’t have friends, I have two very, very good friends, as well as a sister who is also my best friend. There are a few people that I have met recently that I know I am going to be very good friends with in the future, because we have so much in common.

    I have been in the position when I’ve not been able to text back and it’s hit me 24 hours later and I’ve apologised – but they know what I’m like and I never cancel plans I agree to unless it’s an emergency. I have no problem refusing to meet up with others if it’s not what I want or if I can’t commit the time.

    I was in the position at school when I was really let down by friends, and I feel that I’ve been really choosey ever since – possibly a little too choosey at times and I’ve questioned myself – Am I unsociable?

    I hope I’m not! I don’t think I am!

    I agree that there is a point in which you should stop trying because what happens upsets you – so why should you set yourself up for disappointment?

    I would honestly say that I would go with your intuition. If you are asking yourself when is the time to stop, it’s probably time to stop – for your own sake!

    Be positive and use your energy on people who are worth it. Just because you’ve grown apart from someone doesn’t mean you are unfriendable or that they are for that matter – you simply need to take different paths! Stay positive and know your self worth – we all love you!

    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes

    Janet πŸ™‚

    • Jaki
      19th August 2016 / 11:30 pm

      This all makes so much sense! I’ve learnt a lot over the last few days and I’m really pleased I decided to post this one. It’s reaffirmed what I think I already knew! And thank you so much for your lovely words at the end! It made me all warm and fuzzy! Thanks so much πŸ™‚ xx

  11. 20th August 2016 / 10:22 pm

    This is my life right now, I feel like this about a few of my friends and I start to think maybe there is something wrong with me and they are just being polite and don’t actually want to meet up with me anymore. I know I am probably just paranoid, but I can’t help but think like that. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove Laura x
    Laura – dear bear and beany recently posted…School Shoes, Splash Parks and More Birthday’s…Happy Days #22My Profile

    • Jaki
      20th August 2016 / 11:34 pm

      I am sure it’s not you! Sadly I think there are a few people like this in the world. If only they were just honest so it would stop our minds going into overdrive! Thanks for hosting a lovely linky. X

  12. 21st August 2016 / 5:01 pm

    I couldnt agree more with this post. One of my best friends just stopped texting me back in feb when I was undergoing tests at hospital and I have not heard from her since. Ive decided that I am no longer going to make the effort with people when they dont with me. Its quite liberating really!

    #sharingthebloglove

    • Jaki
      23rd August 2016 / 7:19 pm

      It’s great when you finally make that decision isn’t it?! I definitely think it’s not worth getting ourselves worked up and upset over. I hope you are okay and your tests were nothing serious. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. x

  13. 25th August 2016 / 8:59 pm

    This is so so true lovely and it is so hard as the tryer to know when to stop! It makes me sad especially when its family but at some point you just have to respect yourself enough to cut the ties and leave it to them don’t you. Thanks for sharing! #FriYAYLinky
    laura recently posted…The FriYAY Linky >> 26/08My Profile

    • Jaki
      25th August 2016 / 9:50 pm

      I couldn’t agree more! There’s only so many times you can put yourself through it πŸ™‚ xx

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