Louise has guest posted here for me before and I’m delighted to have her back whilst I am away on holiday. You can read her first guest blog A Craft A Day Keeps The Crazy Away here. Here is a reminder about who Louise is.
Louise is 38 and mum to her 2 year old little girl boo. She’s lives in Cambridgeshire and works as a part-time Senior Marketing Manager for the NHS. She’s also the founder of a sweet little campaign called ‘Tips for tiny tots’ which share tips and advice to new parents to help them navigate the crazy world of parenting.
Surrogate Siblings – Now You Really Can Choose Your Family
As I was scrolling through Facebook, I noticed that my feed was either full of gif’s (the world seems to have gone crazy for these at the moment) and of pictures of my friends ever growing families. This got me to thinking about my own little brood at home.
My family is made up of my husband, our little girl Boo who’s two and the newest addition to the family Basil the cockerpoo who’s just under a year old.
So I got to thinking, should we be having another baby? The question that we’ve been banding around like ‘what shall we have for tea tonight’ for the last year!
As more and more people become parents later in life, the pressure is on to have your family and have them quickly for several reasons…
Firstly, the body clock! My goodness who’d have thought you’d have to think about the fact that you may be ready to try for baby number two but what happens if you have no eggs left. Should you have frozen some? Have we left it too late? Should we look into surrogates or should we just crack on and see what happens?
OK, so we park the egg situation and assume all is good as I haven’t started to come out in hot sweats just yet so my second thought is the timing. Is this a good time? Some say ‘there is never a good time to have a baby’, well honestly, I beg to differ! If you can’t afford maternity leave or have a massive mortgage, have just started a new job or have a tonne of other commitments, would that be good timing for you to have a baby? Perhaps not!
And thirdly and probably the most important question, how do I deal with the guilt of only having one? It makes me cringe to even type the word ‘only’ as after five years of trying and two failed rounds of IVF we were really lucky to have Boo. That said, the guilt is still there. Are we denying her of the great memories we had growing up, ones of building dens with our brothers and sisters, sharing snow days, opening Christmas presents together and giggling under the covers before bed?
If we aren’t going to have another one, then are we denying her of making these memories with a brother or sister? Well the simple answer is yes but realistically we aren’t stopping her from making those memories. You see this is where surrogate siblings come into their own!
We have play dates several times a week, and luckily have a great set of friends with children of all ages who thankfully play together really well. We do all the things with them that we would do with a sibling. They stay over, share toys, go on days out, climb trees, paint pictures, share drinks, swap shoes, have baths together and go crazy jumping on the bed before bedtime.
You see surrogate siblings are what we are choosing right now. We want little Boo to have all the experiences we both had and she is having exactly that. So what if she’s having them with children that aren’t ‘actual family’. In our eyes, our friends are our family and we can’t think of anyone better for her to share experiences with right now because, for us, right now, one is just fine, actually it’s better than fine, it’s great.