Loving and learning, learning and loving…

Did you ever really know what you wanted to be when you grew up? I was always asked the question and I never really knew the answer. I’ve never been the most career minded kind of girl. I’ve fallen into jobs in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked hard at those jobs and continue to do so, always trying to learn new things & adding new strings to my bow and all that jazz. But I never really knew what I really wanted to do. Well this year, I think I’ve worked out why.

On Monday, 16th December it will be a year since I started the job that I think has totally completed me. I don’t think I ever really had job satisfaction until now. I mean, the hours are crap and the money is dire, but I wouldn’t quit. Never in a million years. It’s the most amazing, fulfilling job I could ever wish for.

My job title? ‘Mum’.

If you’d have asked me sixteen years ago what I thought I’d be doing in another sixteen years time, I have no idea what I’d have told you. What I do know is that it wouldn’t have been the right answer. I’ve never been the maternal type. Never been broody and could never work out why in Astrology they kept calling my sign, Cancer, a home maker. That wasn’t me.

Then I had a baby and it’s like this whole new person was born alongside the baby. This overwhelming love for the child I had just given birth to made me look at things in a way I never thought possible. Life had changed forever and I couldn’t be happier.

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I’ve learnt a great deal over the past twelve months about myself, my baby, my family and my friends.

I’ve learnt to be patient in ways that were to me, impossible before. I’ve learnt that money is totally irrelevant in life. Yes, it helps. But it’s not worth a thing if you don’t have a bucketload of love to go with it. It’s a cheesy line and I hate myself for even thinking about quoting it but yes! The best things in life ARE free.

I’ve learnt that you can count your true friends on one hand. You turn the pages in the chapters of your life and some people want to stay to see how the story goes and others are more interested in a different book. I’ve learnt that this doesn’t necessarily make them bad people, just that they prefer a different type of book to me. That’s ok. It’s kind of sad. But it’s ok.

I’ve learnt that I’m braver than I ever thought I could be. I’ve taken on Motherhood when I was scared I’d be rubbish at it. I’ve learnt that I am a good Mum and I’ve had the best teacher in my own Mum. If I do half as well as her then I’ll be pretty bloody proud of myself and I hope my bubba will be too.

I was scared to leave my baby when the time came to start work. I’ve learnt that I can be strong when I need to be. Even when I thought I couldn’t. I’ve learnt that my baby can still be happy even when Mummy is at work. And that’s okay! In fact that’s brilliant. Even though at the time it was heartbreaking to think he was happy when I wasn’t there. I wasn’t, how could he be? I’ve learnt that the best part of the day is coming home to a smiling baby face and a wave out of the window.

I’ve learnt that life is precious and we all take it for granted. We can be here one minute and taken the next. Making me realise that every day is precious. Every kiss and every cuddle is special. So I do both more these days.

I’ve learnt that there are so many unhappy families out there who have separated and have to go through courts and lawyers just to sort things out. This makes me so sad for their children. They don’t ask for any of it.

I’ve learnt that some people will never ever cease to amaze or disappoint me. I’ve learnt to not let them bother me anymore but to pity them instead. I’ve learnt that to have a clean conscience is the most refreshing feeling and it will help me sleep easy at night.

But most of all I’ve learnt that love is the most powerful, precious thing in the whole world. I never thought it possible to love another person so much that your heart aches and you could burst with complete and utter pride.

This weekend sees my little man turn one year old. He has taught me so much in his short time on this earth and he has so much more to teach me too. I guess you could call it ‘on the job training’.

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His Daddy and I are so proud of the little boy he’s growing into and we are so excited to watch him grow every day.

I consider myself extremely lucky to have what I have. No amount of sky high wages or annual bonus can give me this kind of contentment. In this job, I have the highest paid salary in the world.

Happy 1st Birthday Ethan sweetheart. Mummy & Daddy love you so much. XXXX

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