That’s Marriage…

That’s Marriage…

This week marriage seems to have been playing a bigger part in the background of my life than usual. I’ve found myself thinking about it more that I would normally. Now, I am married myself but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about my marriage and what it means on a regular basis – of course I do. What I mean is, stories of marriage and the journey of marriage have just been ‘there’ more than usual.

Primarily, this week (or at least at the time of writing this post) saw my Mum and Dad celebrate their 47th Wedding Anniversary.

47 years.

I find this totally amazing and I’m incredibly proud of them both. I have been married for five teeny tiny years and in comparison, forty seven is a lifetime. It’s outstanding and really is something to aspire to.

I’m sure those forty seven years haven’t all been plain sailing. After all. What marriage is?

I was inspired to write this blog after my husband ‘tagged’ me in a post on Facebook about what marriage really was. Not the hearts and flowers. Not the smiles and laughter and not necessarily the picture perfect vision that many of us probably choose to post on social media. But more so the behind the scenes version of marriage. The bits that we don’t share (no not that, don’t be rude!). The cross words. The arguing. The disagreements. The worries. The fears. The apprehensions. The highs that can quickly be followed by lows. The laughter that can cover tears. The new experiences and the annoyances. The inability to agree on important life decisions. The determination and desire to make it work. All of these things combined with the more publicised parts of marriage – the hearts and the flowers – are what make a marriage real.

I guess they are the parts that we don’t really talk about. They are the parts that happen behind closed doors and are private. And rightly so. Marriage is and should be a private and personal thing. It’s unique to the individual couple.

Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is wonderful. Marriage is a gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted. Marriage is hearts and it is flowers and guess what? Marriage can also be hard work.

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When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you don’t necessarily expect it to be a walk in the park. Living with someone can be intense. We are all individuals and we will all have things about us that can grate on the other. That is human nature. It’s how you handle it that matters.

Love is a funny old thing. It’s amazing and infuriating at the same time. The multitude of emotions that stem from love can be overwhelming. But for as long as you have that love. You have something truly wonderful.

Sadly sometimes, I understand, that love is sometimes not enough. I see it all too often in my day to day life working for a Family Law Firm. Divorce is not at all uncommon. It’s a sad part of reality that not all marriages last. Every marriage is different. Some will last and some won’t. That’s life.

I’m an old romantic and I like to think that no one goes into marriage and makes those vows unless they think it will last forever. Anyone who is anyone can say a few words. Make a few vows in front of their nearest and dearest and make a promise to live happily ever after. That’s the easy part. The hard part is what comes after.

The hard part is keeping it alive. Keeping it fresh. Keeping it exciting and happy. Keeping it worth it and keeping it real.

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Life throws us some shitty situations at times. Along with some awesome ones aswell. It’s all of these things together with your unique partnership that shape your marriage. And of course how you handle them all.

I love being married. I love my husband too. Immensely. More than he probably realises. We have had truly amazing times. But we have had a few bad times too. Because that’s normal. That’s real. That’s marriage.

We will all continue to share our joyous moments with those we care to, whether it be via Facebook, Twitter, get togethers and parties. And so we should. Love and marriage is a thing to be celebrated, without doubt. But let’s not get disheartened when we hit a rough patch. Let’s not think that it’s just us. Because it’s not. I assure you. Chances are, your mates, your colleagues, your neighbours and your family have probably hit them too. Β That’s marriage.

To quote wise words from Mae West?

“I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it”.

She’s right you know. Because that’s marriage. It’s wonderful. It’s frustrating. It’s joyous and it can be infuriating. But it’s marriage and it’s worth it.

 

 

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41 Comments

  1. 25th July 2016 / 9:33 pm

    I adore this. I have been married since November, so an even measlier eight months and we are struggling. Now, don’t get me wrong, I adore my husband but I am sure he goes out of is way to piss me off, and to let me down. It is hard, and no one ever warns you how difficult it actually is.

    • Jaki
      28th July 2016 / 9:26 pm

      Ah there will be highs and lows I promise you. But stick together and you can get through it all. Keep smiling. Thanks for leaving a comment. x

  2. 25th July 2016 / 9:36 pm

    Really good points here – marriage is not just the flowers and chocs – it is working as a team and also learning to live with each other’s bad habits! #AnythingGoes

  3. 26th July 2016 / 3:24 am

    Its a roller coaster thats for sure. The ones that last are the ones where both parties are willing to hold on tight #anythinggoes

    • Jaki
      28th July 2016 / 9:27 pm

      Completely agree! Thanks for your comment πŸ™‚

  4. 26th July 2016 / 3:17 pm

    A well written and thought provoking post. I’ve shared it via Twitter. #anythinggoes

    • Jaki
      28th July 2016 / 9:27 pm

      Thank you so much and thank you for sharing it πŸ™‚

    • Jaki
      28th July 2016 / 9:28 pm

      Thank you, that’s really nice of you to say πŸ™‚

  5. 26th July 2016 / 10:08 pm

    I love the honesty in this post. Social media is awash with picture perfect images of weddings and marriages and happy ever afters, but the truth is actually a bit grittier than that, and there is a lot of work involved, which can come as a bit of a surprise as you don’t tend to see that bit on the wrapper!? You’re absolutely right though – it’s worth the fight. Every single one of them πŸ˜‰
    Thanks for linking with #fartglitter x

    • Jaki
      28th July 2016 / 9:29 pm

      Thank you! And thank you for commenting. It’s a bit like parenting in a way, nothing can prepare you! All this grown up stuff hey?! πŸ™‚

  6. 27th July 2016 / 11:28 pm

    This is a great post and so true. marriage is hard work and for it to work you have to want to work at marriage. I will have been married 5 years in september. And We have had some amazing highs but we have had some down right lows both through arguments etc but also through pregnancy losses, What I have learned is as you said how you hande things in the marriage is what matters and what we have been through and how we handled them at the time has bought us together more and made us stronger, I honestly feel that after our lows we can get through anything. #bestandworst

    • Jaki
      28th July 2016 / 9:30 pm

      That’s wonderful to hear. I am sorry to hear of your losses, that’s very sad. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and for the lovely compliment.

  7. Fiona Cambouropoulos
    28th July 2016 / 12:37 am

    Well done to your parents on 47 years. We are 21 years in a couple of weeks, that feels a lifetime already!Marriage isn’t easy but most definitely worth it. #bestandworst & #BloggerclubUK

    • Jaki
      28th July 2016 / 9:30 pm

      Thank you πŸ™‚

  8. 28th July 2016 / 7:34 pm

    Wow, 47 years congrats to your parents. Marriage is solid and something that I believe you have to continually work out but worth it for the rewards X #bestworst

    • Jaki
      28th July 2016 / 9:31 pm

      Totally agree πŸ™‚

  9. 28th July 2016 / 9:40 pm

    My grandparents had a sign on their wall: Love is not staring into each others eyes but looking together in the same direction. They were married for over 60 years. I often think of that when I think about marriage. #coolmumclub

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:36 am

      Sorry for the late reply, that is such a lovely quote and very true. Thanks so much for reading πŸ™‚

  10. Cheryl @ Tea or Wine
    29th July 2016 / 1:30 pm

    All of this is so true!! Marriage is much more than hearts and flowers. It takes hard work, communication and compromise. 47 years of marriage is amazing!! My parents will have been married 46 this year, it’s amazing isn’t it! #Coolmumclub x

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:38 am

      Certainly something to aspire to! Thank you for reading and commenting πŸ™‚

  11. 29th July 2016 / 10:39 pm

    As a child of a broken marriage, I’m quite a realist when it comes to marriage. I think that’s made me more determined to make mine work. It’s not always easy, but it helps that I married my soul mate. He does annoy the crap out of me a lot of the time though πŸ˜‰
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:39 am

      Haha, I think we would all be lying if they didn’t annoy us from time to time, just like I’m sure we annoy them! πŸ™‚

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:39 am

      Haha, I think we would all be lying if they didn’t annoy us from time to time, just like I’m sure we annoy them! πŸ™‚

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:39 am

      Haha, I think we would all be lying if they didn’t annoy us from time to time, just like I’m sure we annoy them! πŸ™‚

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:39 am

      Haha, I think we would all be lying if they didn’t annoy us from time to time, just like I’m sure we annoy them! πŸ™‚

  12. 30th July 2016 / 12:35 am

    I absolutely love this post.
    I am getting married next month, and I just have this feeling that it’s all going to change. Just like that. :/

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:40 am

      Ah no – keep positive! It’s a new exciting chapter. How exciting to be getting married – it’s such a wonderful day – cherish every moment, because for all the planning it goes so fast. Can’t wait to see the pictures πŸ™‚

  13. 30th July 2016 / 1:19 pm

    47 years. Wow. That is truly wonderful. I’ve been engaged for a year and with my fiancΓ© for 7 years, marriage just makes everything seem more real even though it won’t change my day to day life. A lovely post that really addressed the reality of marriage, the good times and the bad #coolmumclub

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:41 am

      Thank you so much! Any plans for the big day yet?

  14. 1st August 2016 / 11:42 am

    Thank you for a very honest post. I get married in December and found this very interesting to read. #coolmumclub

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:41 am

      Please don’t let it put you off! It’s worth it πŸ™‚ Promise πŸ™‚

  15. 1st August 2016 / 2:58 pm

    Lovely post. We are not married but I would definitely go into it planning for it to be a lifetime and not just a few years. 47 years is amazing – happy belated anniversary to your parents! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:42 am

      Thanks so much, they’ve had lots of lovely wishes via this post! πŸ™‚ Thanks for hosting.

  16. 4th August 2016 / 10:30 pm

    Aw I love this, 47 years is amazing!!! Im getting to an age where friends are starting to divorce which seems really strange, it seems so ‘adult’ and just something I never thought I would do and hope I never will! It is tough at times especially with kids but so worth it when you find the one <3

    Thanks for linking up as always to #friyaylinky xx

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:46 am

      My pleasure. I’ll keep plugging away for you. It’s a lovely linky πŸ™‚

    • Jaki
      5th August 2016 / 12:46 am

      Thanks so much πŸ™‚

  17. 8th August 2016 / 7:46 pm

    So beautifully put. I met my husband when I was 15 and we’ve been married 18 years – he always has and hopefully always will be my total milk tray man – and there is so much more than just love in the marriage sense but love of having a family and love of living a life and journey together – no one should go into marriage halfhearted – you have to give it your all – what you put in you get out has always been my mantra. Thank you for sharing.

    • Jaki
      8th August 2016 / 11:38 pm

      Thanks so much and thank you for commenting. Congratulations on 18 years of marriage, that’s wonderful! πŸ™‚

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