The Centre Of His World

The Centre Of His World

No one warns you and nothing can prepare you for what I can only describe as the intensity of Motherhood. I say Motherhood of course as I have no experience of Fatherhood. So if you are a Father, forgive me for using just this term. It’s the only experience I have.

From the moment they are born you are the centre of their world. You are there to feed them. You are there to change them. You are there to cuddle them when they need comfort. You are there. Just for them.

And so it goes for the next few years. As babies turn into toddlers and toddlers turn into pre-schoolers, it is still you that they turn to for everything. Even when you think you aren’t doing as much for them as you once did, to them, you are their world.

At least, this is how it is for me. And as I said before. I can only write this post from my own experience.

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Ethan is very, very much a Mummy’s boy. Don’t get me wrong, he loves his Daddy and has a great deal of fun and giggles with him but deep down, it’s me that he would have do EVERYTHING for him if he could.

Even after a long day together sometimes he still insists that it’s me that bathes him. That it’s me that gets him dressed ready for bed. That it’s me that reads the bedtime story, ten times over. On a bad day, that it’s me that has to sit on his bedroom floor so he can fall asleep easily. It’s me that he calls in the night when he has a bad dream and it’s me he jumps on in the morning at 5am when he’s awake before first light.

It’s intense. It’s completly adoreable. But it’s intense.

Sometimes I can get to his bedtime and be totally and utterly exhausted and drained from the constant ‘I want Mummy to do it’ and ‘Mummy come and play’. ‘No Mummy don’t tidy the kitchen, come and sit by me’ and the hardest of all, on the rare occasion I go out? The tears and the ‘Don’t go Mummy, stay with me!’.

I’ve been known to feel relief at bedtime when I have a few hours freedom and peace and quiet – and the guilt as I write this is overwhelming. Whilst I totally and utterly, completely and unconditonally love my little boy with all of my heart – he really can drain me.

I know it won’t be like this forever. There will come a time when he will be oh so independent and will likely cringe to think he was ever this way. But for now this is how it is.

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I gave some thought as to why I am everything to him. My conclusion is this.

I am the first person that held him close. My eyes were the first he looked in to. I am the first person that kissed him. From the moment he was born I have been there. I can count on one hand how many nights I’ve had away from him in his almost four years. I am there always. I’m there when he wakes up and I’m there when he goes to sleep. I take him to nursery. I come home to him after work every single day. I am there when he is upset to make it all better. I am there when he is poorly and needs comfort. I am there.

I am his one true constant being. Every day. I am his morning, noon and night. I am the centre of his world.

And on a really bad day, when I’m exhausted from being needed so much. I tell myself that. I remind myself that it’s because he loves me so much that he needs me so much. And that’s enough. Because the feeling is mutual. Completely and utterly mutual. Because he too, is the centre of my world, and you really can’t get better than that.

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55 Comments

  1. 27th September 2016 / 9:17 am

    This is lovely, and yes motherhood is definitely intense! You are right, it won’t be like this forever and there will come a time when they don’t need us so much, and we will wonder why our house is so quiet :’-(…lovely photos of the two of you by the way! #twinklytuesday

    • Jaki
      27th September 2016 / 9:25 am

      Ah thank you! It’s another tough one to admit that it can be tough, but I know we all feel the same on occasions 🙂 x

  2. 28th September 2016 / 11:48 am

    My husband currently works in London during the week, so Monday to Friday I am Henry’s world. We have snuggle time in the morning (to which we pull silly faces at each other) we chase each other around the house after nursery and I’m the one who feeds, bathes and puts him to bed at night. Its incredible but also incredibly tough sometimes. Especially after work when you just want to collapse. And yet come the weekend when Daddy becomes the centre of Henry’s universe I get jealous. Instead on taking the moment to relax or chill, I want to be the one to carry on the routine. We just want our little ones to need us, because we need them. Lovely post sweetie. Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst

    • Jaki
      28th September 2016 / 3:42 pm

      Thank you. We are daft aren’t we?! It’s lovely to mean that much to someone though isn’t it? Thanks for the lovely comment. X

  3. 28th September 2016 / 1:51 pm

    I love that quote, I really didn’t get it until I had kids! #bloggerclubuk

    • Jaki
      28th September 2016 / 3:41 pm

      I don’t think any of us do! 🙂

  4. 28th September 2016 / 3:56 pm

    Aww this is so sweet and I think it describes that special bond perfectly 🙂
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
    Debbie

    • Jaki
      28th September 2016 / 11:44 pm

      Thank you! 🙂

    • Jaki
      29th September 2016 / 7:25 am

      Thank you x

  5. 29th September 2016 / 7:22 am

    Talk to me about this! I feel exactly the same at the moment. but yet, when people say they will take care of Baba, I don’t want them to do so. Weird, right? I think deep-down, we love it! #coolmumclub

    • Jaki
      29th September 2016 / 7:27 am

      I think maybe there is no pleasing us!!! So good to know that I’m not alone with this one!! Thanks for commenting & making me feel a bit better! 🙂

  6. MMT
    29th September 2016 / 11:24 am

    Such a beautiful sentiment. I have been thinking a lot lately about how much our girls rely on me, and how dependent I feel they are on me for everything. I wonder if it’s skewing my ability to visualise returning to Work? Maybe a break would be good for all of us! Any thoughts?..
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub!

    • Jaki
      29th September 2016 / 12:03 pm

      Even though I didn’t want to return to work after having him, in hindsight I am so glad I did. Don’t get me wrong, meaning so much to someone is a really beautiful thing, but I think I would go mad if I didn’t have that head space in the mornings. He needs the time away aswell to gain the independence. Of course, it’s different for everyone though 🙂

  7. 29th September 2016 / 12:08 pm

    This is so lovely, especially love the quote at the end, as it is so true of motherhood! I think Alfie is too young at 15 months to have a preference just yet, but I have a feeling he is a total Daddy’s boy! But I know that we have a special bond in our own way so I don’t mind too much 🙂 lovely post #Bloggerclubuk

    • Jaki
      29th September 2016 / 12:15 pm

      Ah we both have bonds, they are just a different kind. He knows he can go to Daddy for rough and tumble games and football, but everything else seems to be me, me, me! 🙂 Thanks for the lovely comment. x

  8. 29th September 2016 / 1:31 pm

    This is so true. I love being the constant in their little lives, and I love that they need me and want me. But it is hard. There is no denying that. I think every mum feels this way so don’t feel guilty for writing it down. #CoolMumClub

    • Jaki
      29th September 2016 / 5:16 pm

      It’s nice to hear it from someone else. That’s why I love writing these posts. There is always someone out there feeling the same. Thanks for leaving a lovely comment. X

  9. 29th September 2016 / 4:33 pm

    This is such a beautiful post xx #CoolMumClub

    • Jaki
      29th September 2016 / 5:17 pm

      Thank you 🙂 xx

  10. 29th September 2016 / 5:26 pm

    What a beautiful post. Boys and their mums is a special one, I often wonder how different it is to a mum and her daughter. I know from friends says that you loose them for a bit through those rocky teenage years, but they always come full circle and be a mummy’s boy again. I know this is true of my brother. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove X

    • Jaki
      30th September 2016 / 7:13 pm

      Thank you! Oh gosh, teenage years. I’m dreading those. Hopefully I’ll have a good boy…! Yeah right! 🙂 x

  11. Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons
    30th September 2016 / 1:39 pm

    Even two years in, I’m still surprised at the intensity of motherhood. I know I struggled with the lack of space for my own thoughts for a long time, and there are still days where I feel I need my space. But you’re right, I love being there for him, being the one he comes to when he’s upset, being the one who can always comfort him and make him feel better. It’s a really special and magical feeling that I wouldn’t change for the world. Thanks so much for joining us again at #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Jaki
      30th September 2016 / 8:14 pm

      Even though the feelings can feel suffocating, it’s reassuring to know that they’re perfectly normal. Motherhood should come with a warning!!! 🙂 Thank you! 🙂

  12. 30th September 2016 / 3:42 pm

    Awwww..So sweet and adorable love this!

    • Jaki
      2nd October 2016 / 10:52 pm

      Thank you 🙂

  13. 30th September 2016 / 8:50 pm

    Ahh ahhhh what a beautiful post, I feel this way about my boy too, this brought tears to my eyes. I also realised I was not following you on Instagram but I am now! THanks for linking up lovely #bestandworst

    • Jaki
      30th September 2016 / 9:20 pm

      Ah bless you!! Thank you!! I love hearing that my posts can evoke emotion!! I must be doing something right 🙂 ah that’s great thank you. Xx

  14. Claire
    1st October 2016 / 2:46 pm

    I really enjoyed this and I think I needed it as this week has been a toughie, probably the hardest since the newborn weeks and I’ve felt really drained. But you’ve reminded me how lucky I am to be the one my baby wants all day and night. #fortheloveofblog

    • Jaki
      2nd October 2016 / 8:33 am

      Ah bless you. I’m so pleased I have helped you feel a bit better. It is really hard at times and it’s always nice to know that it’s not just you that feels that way. I had a day yesterday where hubby was in charge of Daddy Day Care & it did me the world of good. Sometimes a few hours ‘off’ is all it takes to feel ready to start all over again. Thanks for reading & leaving such a nice comment. Xx

  15. 1st October 2016 / 7:45 pm

    Aww this is so lovely – I’ve just started back at work and have felt a bit of guilt at the sudden change in our lives…me not being there 24/7 for our daughter – this post has reminded me not to be so hard on myself. You are so right, as mums we are often the ones who are there for so much of it, for feeding and changing and making things better for them when they are poorly. It’s intense but such an amazing thing – such a beautiful post. Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam x

    • Jaki
      2nd October 2016 / 8:23 am

      I’m pleased it’s help you feel less guilty. It’s such a hard decision to make. I read you original post about the opportunity you had & I remember feeling for you having to decide what to do. I hope it’s going ok & am pleased you enjoyed this post x

  16. 1st October 2016 / 11:56 pm

    What a lovely post. Reading it has made me a bit emotional! I know exactly what you mean though.
    I have been told (on a few occasions) that I smother my little ones too much. I cuddle them, and smooch them, and tell them I love them too much. Honestly, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH.
    Because I know, just like you, there is going to be a time when I can long longer just grab them for a cuddle, when they’ll be embarrased, or too grown up for all that.
    For now, I am going to show them I love them, all day, every day. For as long as I can. xx

    • Jaki
      2nd October 2016 / 8:27 am

      Yes!! You’re right. How can it possibly be too much?! If they know they are loved then that is the most important thing in the world. Some people should keep opinions like that to themselves. You’re doing a fantastic job! Thank you for sharing the post, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂 xx

  17. 2nd October 2016 / 2:36 am

    Its so true. Motherhood is overwhelming, constant and exhausting, but its also amazing and so special. It can be really hard to appreciate it all, every minute of the day, but I try to remind myself that they wont be young for very long as you say, and that it is because you are their whole world. Great post to remind me of that in the middle of a late night feed with my 14 week old 🙂 Thanks for sharing this on #MarvMondays. Emily

    • Jaki
      2nd October 2016 / 2:41 pm

      I’m glad you like the blog post. It seems to have resonated with a lot of people. X

  18. 2nd October 2016 / 6:48 pm

    As a mum of two boys I can completely relate to this. I sometimes feel claustrophobic with them clambering all over me all day but I know that as this phase passes too I will miss their complete and unfaltering love #justanotherlinky

    • Jaki
      2nd October 2016 / 10:51 pm

      Yes! We are all human and all feel the same. In a few years we will be blogging about how we miss their hugs and kisses and we’ll look back and kick ourselves for ever talking about it!

    • 4th October 2016 / 10:18 am

      Just spotted you on #fortheloveofBLOG too! Great minds!

      • Jaki
        4th October 2016 / 2:31 pm

        Haha! 🙂

  19. Emma
    6th October 2016 / 8:15 am

    This was really sweet, although exhausting it’s so nice to be loved so much. #Sharingthebloglove

    • Jaki
      6th October 2016 / 2:17 pm

      Thank you. It’s resonated with quite a few 🙂

  20. 6th October 2016 / 5:31 pm

    He’s such a cutie, and lucky to have such a loving patient mummy! #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Jaki
      6th October 2016 / 10:29 pm

      Ah the patience is tested at times, as it is for all of us. But thank you, that’s really kind! 🙂

  21. 6th October 2016 / 6:32 pm

    So true I have 2 boys and you have described my youngest to a tee. An exhausting, demanding whirlwind… that we wouldn’t change for the world and love to bits! #sharingthebloglove

    • Jaki
      6th October 2016 / 10:28 pm

      Aww, boys and their Mums – and they act so cool when they grow up. It’s a special bond for sure. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  22. 6th October 2016 / 9:40 pm

    This is so beautiful and so true. It can be exhausting at times and I often feel relief at bedtime so I can get some peace for an hour or two, but it is all totally worth it. My oldest is 7 now and already starting to need me less and less and as much as I am loving watching him grow it saddens me that one day soon he won’t want to hold my hand on the way to school or cuddle up and read together before bed.
    #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Jaki
      6th October 2016 / 10:25 pm

      Awww don’t, that’s so sad. Just today I was telling my little man to slow down and stay my baby forever and he said “I can’t Mummy, I have to grow big!” Already so wise!! Thank you for such a nice comment.

  23. 6th October 2016 / 11:22 pm

    This is so sweet. Motherhood is just amazing. It goes so fast though.
    Thank you for linking up to #justanotherlinky

    • Jaki
      7th October 2016 / 8:18 pm

      Sure does. It feels like yesterday that I felt like a pregnant whale. Now we’re fast approaching his 4th birthday! Thanks for stopping by.

  24. 7th October 2016 / 12:24 pm

    My son was uber clingy up until about a year ago and although it was lovely, sometimes it was also a bit stifling! Now he is nearly 11 and he hardly wants to know and I’m sad. You can’t win so just enjoy it now. #fortheloveofBLOG

    • Jaki
      7th October 2016 / 8:21 pm

      Oh god. How horrible to feel the opposite! I will enjoy it now while I can. X

  25. 10th October 2016 / 6:47 pm

    Such a lovely post and so true. My little man is only 15months old and likes mummy and daddy fairly equally, but I spend all day, every day with him, so I wonder if that will change a bit when he starts talking and can demand who does things! It breaks my heart to think of a time when we aren’t needed anymore. Even him going to school and doing things without me will be tough. But that’s what we’re here for. To let them bloom and fly away. x #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Jaki
      10th October 2016 / 7:23 pm

      I’ll manage just nicely with this for a few more years. I can’t cope with the thought of him flying away!! I’ll make the most of these precious years. Thanks for a lovely comment. Glad you enjoyed the post. X

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