A Letter To My Little Man On His 4th Birthday

A Letter To My Little Man On His 4th Birthday

To my beautiful Little Man

As I sit and write this, I have not long put you to bed. It was tricky tonight as you were so excited. You were so excited about tomorrow. Because tomorrow it’s your Birthday and you will turn four years old.

Now, you would think after being your Mummy for four whole years that I would have got my head around the fact that I am a Mummy, but can I tell you a secret? I haven’t. Four years down the line, I look at you daily and can’t for the life of me, believe that you’re mine. I can’t believe that your Daddy and I created something so beautiful. So wonderful. So kind.

I can’t believe that me, someone who was never the maternal type, is giving this Motherhood thing her best shot on a daily basis. I’ll be honest with you sweet cheeks, I’m winging it every day. I worry I’m screwing it up at times. I worry I’m getting parenting all wrong. I worry I’m letting you down in some way. But then I pull myself together and tell myself that I’m doing my best and that’s all that I can do. I hope you know that I do my best for you. I really try hard.

So tomorrow you turn four. How has that happened so fast? It seems only yesterday that I was bumbling around with this big bump, hoping that you would arrive before your due date of Christmas Day! Thank goodness you did as you were asked! (Not like these days!!) Nine days before Christmas Day you were placed in my arms and stopped crying immediately. It’s like we were the best of friends from the very beginning. You were perfect then and you’re perfect now.

Mummy and Baby Ethan

Of course I will say you’re perfect because to me you are. But I won’t lie Little Man. Three was hard. Three was really  hard. Two was a doddle in comparison. With three you pushed me to limits I didn’t know I had. You have had tantrums like I’ve never known. You’ve got cross with me. Hit out at me and at times I was at my wit’s end. Mummy really didn’t know what to do. But I know you never mean it. You always come to me after and ask for a cuddle. I know you’re sorry. It’s hard wanting to do so much and not be able to. It’s hard to be told ‘no’ when to you it seems so reasonable. It’s hard being little. I promise I understand.

Which is why I’m sorry too for all the times I get cross. I don’t mean to. Mummy gets frustrated and tired too. And when that happens we take it out on the ones we love. And Little Man I do love you. So very much.

The next year will be a big year for you. You will start big school and I know it might be scary now but I know you will be just fine. You have been amazing at nursery this year. Your teachers adore you. You have made a lovely group of friends and you have shown such kindness to other children who need a friend. I am so proud of you for that.

Please stay that way. Stay kind. Stay loyal. Stay strong. And stay determined.

When you want to learn something new, nothing deters you. You have worked so hard on your writing and every time I watch you write your name, I am as proud as the first time I saw you do it. I’m in awe of just how clever you are. You never cease to amaze me.

So tonight I put you to bed as a three-year old for the last time. I kissed you goodnight as a three-year old for the last time and as I did I told you the one thing that will never change. That I love you so very much and that I will always be here for you. Anytime, night or day. Mummy will always be here.

I hope you have the most wonderful birthday Little Man. Thank you for making me the person I am today. I am so, so proud of you.

I love you to the moon and back.

Mummy xxx

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24 Comments

  1. Sylvia Ward
    16th December 2016 / 11:05 am

    Oh my goodness. Dear Jaki, you have reduced me to tears. I have just read this and I can so relate to everything in it. My darling boy will be 34years old next April, and I love him as much now as I did when he was just born. Of course, I can’t hold him now as he has a wonderful wife, but sometimes I can have a hug. His voice will calm me when I am anxious, and his smile will warm my heart and take the pains away. We are both so very lucky to have been blessed with the most wonderful boys in the world.
    I wish you all a very Happy Christmas, and may your lives with your darling boy, like mine, remain for many, many years to come. Lots of love, Sylvia xxxx

    • Jaki
      18th December 2016 / 8:27 am

      Ah Sylvia I’m glad you liked it. Thanks for taking the time to leave such a nice comment.
      Hope you all have a fabulous Christmas. Xx

  2. 16th December 2016 / 6:16 pm

    Ah what a beautiful letter, they do push you to the absolute limits but they are totally worth it! Congratulations 🎉 Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉 Have a happy Christmas 🌸
    An imperfect mum (Catie) recently posted…Friday Focus: 1-1 time in PanbosMy Profile

    • Jaki
      18th December 2016 / 8:28 am

      Thanks so much. Happy Christmas to you too 🎄

  3. 16th December 2016 / 8:50 pm

    Time really does fly far to quickly doesn’t it? My Twins will be 11 on their next birthday and I certainly have no idea where those years have gone! They will be starting secondary and that is just something I cannot get my head around!

    The letter to your little boy is so beautiful and I totally agree that our children have made us who we are today.

    Just lovely. xxx
    #ablogginggoodtime

    • Jaki
      18th December 2016 / 8:29 am

      They certainly do. They mould us and shape us into the Mums that we become. That person doesn’t exist before they’re born. Thanks for reading and leaving a great comment. Xxx

  4. 17th December 2016 / 3:41 pm

    Oh you got me right in the feels!! Such a beautiful letter to someone who obviously is your world! Happy birthday to your little man and here is to an easier year for you both #thatfridaylinky

    • Jaki
      18th December 2016 / 8:23 am

      Awww thanks lovely. It was a great one to write. X

  5. 17th December 2016 / 10:46 pm

    Ah, lovely – hope you’ve had a fab time celebrating. And yes, glad he arrived early having a birthday on Christmas Day really can’t be much fun. Thanks for sharing with #PoCoLo and for linking with us this year, it’s been lovely to get to know more about you and your blog xx
    Stephanie Robinson recently posted…Post Comment Love and Blogger Showcase 16-18 December 2016My Profile

    • Jaki
      18th December 2016 / 8:21 am

      Thanks Steph. It’s a lovely linky to take part in. Xx

  6. 18th December 2016 / 1:41 pm

    Aw I read this on the morning of his birthday when you posted and you had me in tears, it’s a beautiful post hun! As I said on twitter, I remember the day you announced you were having a ‘Jelley Baby!!’ 😉 and it’s been lovely to watch him grow, and you grow as a Mummy. I cannot believe he’s 4! They test us daily but they’re everything to us aren’t they? 🙂 #thatfriyaylinky
    Lianne recently posted…Winter Skincare feat. Pebble Grey MirrorsMy Profile

    • Jaki
      18th December 2016 / 9:13 pm

      Ah yes the old Jelley Baby line. That one never grows old! 😀 I can’t believe he’s 4 either. I don’t know where the time has gone! He’s so grown up in so many ways. Thanks for leaving a lovely comment. It’s lovely to be sharing the journey with you 🙂 x

  7. 18th December 2016 / 9:44 pm

    Happy Birthday! I know what you mean Alice is four and I still have to pinch myself that I am a mum. I am responsible for 2 other people in a way that I never knew before. Totally winging it! Four is such a big year for them, starting school is such a big milestone. They literally grow up overnight. Enjoy this time before he starts. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove
    Laura – dear bear and beany recently posted…New Home, Nativity and Alice Home… Happy Days #37My Profile

    • Jaki
      18th December 2016 / 9:51 pm

      I certainly will. Thanks Laura. Lovely comment 🙂 xx

    • Jaki
      20th December 2016 / 6:14 pm

      Definitely! And there’s no warning!!

  8. 23rd December 2016 / 4:46 pm

    What a perfect letter. Happy birthday to your Little Man – I hope he had a wonderful day. The jump from 3 to 4 seems so huge, that it must be a really emotional one. And despite not having got to that stage yet, I can relate to so much of what you’ve written – I definitely feel like I’m winging it, and I guess as parents we always do! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Jaki
      26th December 2016 / 6:59 pm

      Ah thank you. It does feel like a huge leap. He does seem very grown up all of a sudden. I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂

  9. 30th December 2016 / 10:32 pm

    Aw Jaki this is sooooo lovely 🙂 I hope he had an amazing birthday. t’s scary how quick they grow up and even scarier thinking of them older! xx
    laura recently posted…The FriYAY Linky >> 30/12/16My Profile

  10. Karen Figgitt
    7th January 2017 / 12:31 pm

    This is beautiful and i completely understand what you’ve experienced as I’ve had a similar experience.
    My eyes welled up reading this. Hope you are well my friend. Take care x x

    • Jaki
      7th January 2017 / 8:10 pm

      Ah bless you. Thanks Karen. I’m very well. Thank you for leaving a comment. Hope you and your gorgeous family are well xx

    • Jaki
      8th January 2017 / 9:59 pm

      Thank you. He really did. Crazy couple of weeks with Christmas as well but it was a lovely time, thank you. Xx

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